When All is Null and Void

Chapter Eighteen

"So even if—"

But Alexander cut Caleb off. "The Void takes, and it doesn't return. If my brother is in the Void, he's lost. Dead."

"But what if I..."

Alexander's lips lifted, and his eyebrows waved, daring Caleb to go on. He'd been about to say, "What if I really do open the Void..." but it seemed too optimistic.

"So there are no second chances," Caleb acquiesced.

His mentor's expression tightened. "No." His voice was soft and crackled around the edges. "There aren't."

+++

Training in the backyard was tense. By the second hour of fruitless Time Hopping, Alexander was the one teetering on a precipice. Caleb was too, stressed about the fact he wasn't learning fast enough. His mentor pushed him, and for the first time impatience caused Alexander to snap. Caleb was taken aback, as his mentor's words, "Can't you just learn, dammit!" sunk in and lit a fire of insecurity in him.

"Ouch," Caleb muttered under his breath, trying to focus, trying to dosomething that might never occur. The vein in his forehead pulsed, and it wasn't from the anger he felt bubble up in him either.

"What did you say?"

Caleb quailed under the severity of Alexander's tone. "I said, 'ouch,' because you're being an ass." His voice was pinched and shaking, but at this point he was sick of everything. Not only had Alexander gotten him out of bed at 5am to go on a sixmile run, but his body ached under the steady sheet of rain.

Alexander didn't escalate the situation further. In fact, he seemed to deflate. He leaned against the posts holding the portico—completely dry, by the way—and grumbled something about not being an ass.

"Why did you let Titus worry you?

"He doesn't worry me at all," Alexander interjected, but it was half-hearted and unbelievable.

"Sure, sure." Caleb sighed. "Your comment about me learning was completely uncalled for."

The defiant, angry façade was gone, replaced by the Alexander Caleb knew. "I'm sorry."

"It's not really okay, but I forgive you." He ran a hand through his hair. It came back wet. "You know I'm trying, right?"

"Of course I do. You're not lazy. I just have a lot of pressure on me is all." Alexander uncrossed his arms and knocked the wood behind him with his knuckles.

"Why?" Caleb sat down in a chair next to Alexander; it felt nice to not have rain pelting him, though he was shivering.

"It's no reason."

It was anything but, and Caleb voiced this.

"Seriously," Alexander said. He plucked a bit of fuzz from his checkered flannel. "It doesn't matter. Just drop it."

Caleb stared at his mentor for a second before standing and going back to the center of the lawn.

"I had a daughter," he called, and Caleb whipped around. Alexander's salt and pepper hair blew in the wild wind. He was stiff and sat down in one of the chairs on the deck. Caleb slowly walked back and sank into the chair next to Alexander. "Her name was Natalee."

"Was?"

"Yeah." The sound of rain again filled the silence. Alexander's breaths were slow, unsteady.

"Oh." So many questions rushed through his head. "How old was she?"

"Eighteen months." Alexander's reply seemed to suck the air from the earth. It was hard to breathe. What did you reply to something like that? What did you say when someone had lost their daughter so young?