HOW

How We Understand

Understanding things has a wide variety of difficulty. We ponder at the things that we comprehend. It could frustrate us, or it could bring us closer to the people we love. Sometimes understandings can bond two people on how they think or feel about each other.
          The drive was long, and silent. I listened to the wind whistle through cracks of the windows, and the heavy bumps along the old Missouri roads. Nick wouldn’t speak, but if he did I wouldn’t respond. I just waited. I waited to see that white house with the red door. I finally feel the car stop. It was safe to get out. I slowly open the car door, and walk up to the house. The door was locked, so I rang the door bell.

The beautiful chimes rang and Audrey finally opened the door. I literally jumped in her arms. The tears came rolling down my face; I lost all control of my breathing. “I’m so sorry.” I said. I knew everyone was waiting for the apology; I no longer had hatred for her. I didn’t know the pain and heartache he put her through. She was a strong, courageous woman if she could stand up for herself and seng the one person she loved the most beside Nick and I away.

          I eventually calmed down. I lay on the couch, with my head on my mom’s lap. She was stroking my hair and putting it behind my ear while we watched old movies. “How could he do this to us? I--When did this start?” I asked. My mother shook her head.

“Honestly, Caitlin, I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I don’t ever want to see him again.” I said. “I will make sure he never hurts you again.” She said in a stern voice. I could tell she meant it.  I sat up; looking at her right dead in the eye “I love you. I’m so sorry, for all of the things I said to you, I want to take it back, all of it.” I said sincerely. I hadn’t said those three words in a long time to her. “It’s ok.” She said.

          I finally went upstairs to my room. I fell on my bed; I closed my eyes, and tried to have desirable dreams, to fall in a deep sleep. In the end, all I could think about the lake incident. It was 2 in the morning. I couldn’t talk to my mother, or Nick. I pick up my phone and dial Nyland’s number. He picks up the phone.

“Hello?” He said in a sleepy voice. “Nyland,” He realized it was me. “Yeah,” I didn’t hesitate to ask if I could see him. I needed to see him. “Can I come over?” I asked. “Sure, are you okay?” He asked. I could tell I worried him. “I need to see you.” I said.

          It wasn’t a far drive to his house, maybe 5 minutes tops. I reached his window, and start lightly tapping on the glass. He opens it slowly so his dad wouldn’t hear him, and jumps out. We looked at each other; my heart began pounding out of my chest. It didn’t matter how many times I saw him, I would still feel the same way about him. He put his arms around me. I started crying. I missed seeing him, hearing his angelic voice, just being in his general presence. He finally let go, and we sat down on his front porch swing.

“What’s wrong, aren’t you supposed to be at the lake?” He questioned wiping the tears away from my face like he always does. “I was at the lake.” I murmured. He laughed a bit. “Ok, what happened?” He said. “My dad, he stood me up. He came home late, and brought this girl Millie and--” He held me in his arms. “Cait I--” He began. “Everything is all wrong now.” I cried.

“Hey, don’t worry. I mean look on the bright side. You have your senior year of high school, you have an amazing friends, and a hot sexy boyfriend.” He always knew how to make me laugh. “Who is madly, deeply in love with you.” He added.

Those words shot down my spine, and healed me. All of the pain and sorrow that I had been going through was gone, and my spirits were alive. I felt his soft lips lightly kiss my forehead.  I sat there in the moment never wanting to let go of him. It all came crashing down. I never thought in my mind I could let him down, I could break his heart. I didn’t know how to tell him.

“Nyland,” I said. “Yeah,” I was hesitant, but I knew I didn’t say anything it would make things worse. “I have to tell you something.” I began. It took me awhile. He looked at me with his bold brown eyes, that sparkled in the light. “What,” He said chuckling a bit since I was dragging it out. I took a deep breath. “I’m going to Texas.” I finally said it. “Oh cool, Texas. What for?” He asked. “College,” There was one thing that I never wanted to hear from him, silence. He bit his bottom lip, and sighed.

 “College,” I completely discouraged him. I knew he had big plans for college; they were all ruined due to his injury. “I got classes and everything before we started dating, and I meant to tell you.” I pleaded with him. I didn’t want him upset with me. I will never forget his response.

 It was so brave, and sincere. It was like we weren’t ever going to be apart. “It’s ok. I understand. We’ll make it work. You aren’t just my high school sweetheart; you’re my forever Caitlin Sanford.” My heart skipped a bit. I was scared, not because of the words he said, because for the first time in my life, I knew he meant it.

“You want to make it work?” I questioned. “Yeah, I mean I could go down there for the weekends, and you can come up for the breaks. I think we can do it.” He replied. I had crushed the whole plan idea though. “It’s exactly 739 miles to Crumpler.” I said. He started to chuckle.

“Ok, well that’s pretty far, but we’re not like other couples, we have something that no one can take away from us. We’ll make the long distance thing last. I promise.” Nyland said. I was so thrilled that he was accepting to it, so open minded. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. He wasn’t like most guys.

The typical guy would have run away the second I left for school, or maybe would have said the same thing he said, but the minute I left he would have went out with a local girl, and broke off our relationship because “they couldn’t handle it.” It was weird; I believed every word he told me.

That might be me being naïve and this being my first relationship, but this isn’t just an ordinary relationship. It’s real, everything about it is real. True love comes around only once, and I was a lucky one because it didn’t take me long to find it.

          I wish he would have fought it maybe. Deep down I do want to stay. I want to stay for Nick and my mother, but also for Nyland. There are some things I do regret throughout high school and wish I could have do overs, maybe study a little harder on this test, or maybe stayed in touch with a friend, or tell Nyland to stretch before playing soccer, or tell him how I really felt about him. Now I have to deal with the consequences. Am I scared? Yes. Do I want to go all this way for college? No, but I know that I have to. I understand that I need to get away and grow up, even if it’s not with my loved ones.