always you² | derek morgan. ✓

07 | deal.

I listen to the words he says - not because I want to, but because I need to know what the team thinks about me after the hellful last few weeks.

Do they think I'm damaged goods? Do they think I'm not a good asset to the team anymore because of the harm I've been through in my last year of work at the bureau? Am I not good enough for any more of this? Do I need to take a break?

I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I don't even realize that Hotch is still reading the evaluation, "Agent Rhodes claims that she has put a lot of thought into her life and that she has stayed perfectly fine when it comes to how she has been in the last few weeks, months even - after all the trauma she has lived through in her last year of working with the bureau..." He continues.

Hotch lets out a small breath as he continues reading, "She claims to have called her mother multiple times since she left New York last January." Hotch states, glancing up from the paper he's reading off of.

I scoff lightly at his words, "I have!" I state at my own defense, but Hotch just raises a brow at me, seeing right through my lie.

I shake my head, "Okay, I haven't, but I will sometime soon - what does that have to do with anything?" I ask.

Hotch glances back down to the file, flipping the pages as he continues reading, "Agent Rhodes claims to not be in any form of romantic relationship, claiming that she needs time to herself to think, but truth is, she went right back to Agent Morgan with no hesitation after he had claimed to have his memory of the last year back." He reads.

I scoff again at Hotch's words, "That fucking snitch..." I mutter under my breath, a feeling of betrayal filling my bones as I glance over at Spence - who is concentrating percisely on the game of chess that he's playing with Luke.

I zone out slightly before focusing back on Hotch's reading, "Agent Rhodes, in my opinion, is perfectly cut out for the job, but she gets to attached to cases and lets her feelings get in the way of work - her mind is too unsafe to be inside of at times, especially when it comes to the thoughts of putting herself through harm." He states.

Hotch lets out a small exhale, "She harms herself with flames - not only on the outside, but also on the inside. Her mind is like a constant warfare that always degrades her." He states.

Oh wow, I didn't know Spence could be such a fucking poet.

Hotch glances at me as he turns the page again, "Jesus Christ, how many pages did he fucking rat me out on?" I ask in a low tone.

Hotch raises a finger to somewhat silence me as he speaks, "I wouldn't worry about it, though, because Agent Rhodes has told me that in the last two weeks, she has been feeling a lot better and has passed every single drug test I have given her." He states.

Hotch places the case file on the table as he reads, "Agent Rhodes does not let her emotions get in the way of anything anymore and she doesn't let her emotions mix with the wrong things. She potentially looks and seems fine." He finishes off, closing the case file as he looks over at me.

I let out a scoff, sitting back in my chair.

My eyes search Hotch's as his lips part slowly, words escaping from his lips, "You seem fine. You look fine. That's what you want everyone to think, don't you?" He asks.

I roll my eyes slightly, fighting off the urge to let my emotions mix with this - the emotions bottling themselves up again;

anger.

hurt.

betrayal.

they all have a funny way of working together.