MCYT Oneshots

Nihachu - Girls

A/N - X Fem! Reader, sorry boys. Songfic for Girls (Girl in Red). Request for 

Warning: Cursing, internalized homophobia

I've been hiding for so long

"Hey chat! We have Y/n again!" She started her stream with a smile and a voice of cotton candy. I join her streams half of the time nowadays. I can't really resist the opportunity of more time with my friend. Sometimes I have to remember I'm straight. Although she would be nice, I would hate what anyone would say.

These feelings, their not gone

Unfortunately, the thoughts of her every minute of the day don't stop. My parents aren't even that accepting of "the gay". I can't imagine a future without her. I've tried my best, but she's always there.

Can I tell anyone?

I know that I could tell her. What happens then? What if the community finds out? What do I do then? Questions zoom through my head but I focus on her voice again. She is rambling on about how cute cats are. Almost as- nope.

Afraid of what they'll say

I don't openly flirt with anyone, so I can't even do that. I don't need chat getting suspicious. "I'm gonna get myself some water," I say, leaving the room to get to the kitchen.

So I push them away

As the thoughts grow in my head, I try my best to focus on the cabinets I'm facing. I don't need to think of her hair, her voice, her eyes, her height... not every second of each day.

I'm acting so strange

I think about how I've been acting. I have been a little more distant and trying to seem more "straight". It's hard when your sexuality is a circle.

They're so pretty it hurts

I came back, having drunk some water and felt a little better. "Hey, Y/n. Chat had a question." The soft voice calls to me and I feel better in its presence. I hum in response as she says the question. "What is your type?" ...fuck

I'm not talking about boys, I'm talking about girls

"Uhm.. well I guess good personality and moderately good looks until I love them to where I don't care about looks?" My response hangs in the air for a few seconds. "Good answer. You have your eye on anyone?" The question becomes a small cloud that can only go away if I answer it. I nod as I look away a little.

They're so pretty with their button up shirts

The memory of taking a few pictures of her crosses my mind. She has this one shirt that I love. It's a white button up. I've never felt jealous however. Just a longing for more.

I shouldn't be feeling this

As her stream ends, my parents' homophobia feels inflicted on me. I would be a disappointment if I ever came out. Especially where others can see, such as a Twitch stream.

But it's too hard to resist

I hear her ask a question as I was in the zone. I glance back over and hum questioningly. She laughs a little and asks again, "I hadn't asked before, really. What are you? Like, sexuality wise?" Once again, I think Fuck.