Together [BL]

2

"No. I know I've gained weight. It's not that serious."

Penny sighs and rests his stiff arms on the table, "It used to be the three of us together. I was happy when you both oddly decided to get married. But somewhere along the way, we lost him."

"Stop it, Penny. If he thinks he too cool to hangout with us, then let him be."

"But I feel responsible! He was one of us. We were the perfect trio. You're both the super cool and super smart guys, and I'm the goofy third wheel that gets all the girls because you're both gay for each other."

I raise my eyebrows as high as I could. I never knew this is how Penny thought of you and me. Were we gay for each other? Was that why we got married?

"Responsibility is an illusion. It's simply a purpose in life that one gives oneself or other give to oneself... You don't need to feel responsible for what had happened between the three of us—"

"That's not what I feel responsible for," Penny rubs the back of his neck. "I feel responsible for what happened between you two. If I've seen it sooner. If I've confronted him. Maybe then, you both would like be inseparable like the good old time."

You and I were inseparable? I guess you were always around. Did I take your presence for granted?

Once lunch is over, I return to my office with you sitting in my chair. I leave the door slightly open and step up to my desk, "I need to work. I'm sure you have a lot of work as well."

"You shouldn't be stressed out at work when you're pregnant for the last three months. You didn't think I would notice, did you?"

I take in a deep breath to calm the nerve that wants to shout at you for being delirious and ridiculous. I return to the door and open it wider, "Please leave. I have nothing to debate with you about this pregnancy matter. If anyone is pregnant, that person is not me. Also, if you haven't check your emails, please do so."

"Rewrite it. I want partial custody." You get up and leave.

I sit in my chair and look about the room, wandering why you keep insisting that I'm pregnant. It has been six years since we slept on the same bed. I've slept with no one else since, I can't possibly...

Oh no. Why do I only remember this now? At the end of summer last year, we celebrated twenty years of our establishment. We entertained our guests for a long time, and were tired and tipsy. We woke up naked and in the same bed for the first time in a long time. Your lover was very angry at you, and I put it behind me. I didn't want to fight with your lover for a fraction of your time that he proudly owns.

We're already in our late thirties, a child cannot hold our marriage together. Perhaps the child is what will make our divorce ugly if I fight for the child as well... Then, I'll let you win. If there is a child, you can have it.

I make an appointment for an ultrasound for Sunday. I plan to do some pregnancy tests tonight, and if they all come out negative I'll cancel the appointment tomorrow.

Afterwards, I look through some more proposals, send them back for readjustments, and I leave the office for the day. In the dark parking lot, I rest my eyes for a bit. The days has become repetitive, a routine. I wander how long I can keep up until this life become utterly meaningless to me.

Penny calls me, "Your lawyer called and said that she couldn't reach you. Should I tell her that you'll call her back on Monday?"

"Sorry for the bother. I'll call her as soon as I get back to the house. It might take twenty or thirty minutes due to traffic. Is she okay with that?"

"Yes. She said she'll be waiting for your call."

Then Penny hangs up on me. I guess it's about time I drive back to the house and get some pregnancy tests along the way.

When I am about to turn the corner to our street, your lover drives pass me with a frown on his face. You aren't sitting next to him on the passenger side. Are you at the house for the weekend?

I park, get in, and climb up to my room like usual. I quickly do two pregnancy tests and call my lawyer as I wait.

"Hello, is this Leo?"

"Yes. What did you need to speak with me about?"

"Your husband's lawyer contacted me to rewrite the divorce papers. I was told to include custody of a child?"

I sigh and hear a knock on my door, "Could I put you on hold for just a minute?"

"Yes."

I place my phone down and open the door for you. My face seems to sag immediately when I see your face. I waited but you never said anything, so I ask, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"May I come in?"

"I'm in the middle of a phone call. Let's meet downstairs in ten minutes," I force a compromise. Fortunately, he agrees and leaves.

"Are you still there?" I pick up my phone again.

"Yes... I wanted to know why your husband's lawyer asked me to include a child custody on the divorce settlement. Are you aware that there is a child between you and your husband? Adopted or otherwise?"

"I'm not aware, but he insisted that I am pregnant since lunch today. I'm doing some pregnancy tests at the moment and already made an ultrasound appointment for Sunday. If there is a child, I want to give him full custody. I won't fight for it."

My lawyer stays silent on the other side for a while. I can only guess on what she's thinking.

"Leo, are you... Do you have a history of mental illness?"

"I'm not aware of any mental illnesses... Should I see a psychologist?" I scratch my forehead, trying to digest what's kind of things is going through her head to ask me that. Or what I am projecting for her to come to that conclusion.

"Are you in a rush to divorce your husband? Maybe it's best for the both of you to have couple therapy first."

"How would I even suggest couple therapy?"

I can hear her struggling to figure me out. At last she says, "It's almost dinner time. Why don't you suggest dining together and then when the moment is right ask if he would join for at least one couple therapy session?"

"Um... I don't want his lover to see us dining outside. Do you think dining in the house would still have the same effect?"

"Even better!"

"Alright then. I'll tell you how it went on Monday."

"Yes. Have a good weekend, Leo."

I hang up and go to the bathroom to check the pregnancy tests. The first one is positive and the second is negative. How unlucky am I to have such inconclusive results? I have another box of two, I guess I should do two more and check them after suggesting dining together.

After preparing the tests, I go downstairs where you relax on the couch. You see me on the stairs and gets up to say, "Be careful on the stairs. Focus on where you're stepping."

I give you a nod of affirmation. Once I'm down, I sit on the couch opposite of you, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes. Would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

"Tonight?"

"Yes, tonight. Are you not free?"

I roll my shoulder back and avert my eyes to the giant wedding portrait of us, "No, I'm free. I just don't want to go out tonight. Will it be alright with you if we have dinner here instead? Is that possible?"

You follow my gaze and return to me with a chuckle, "Having dinner here is fine with me. Shall I prepare dinner? What would you like?"

"Whatever you want is good with me. Please call me down when dinner is ready. I still have some things to do upstairs. Then, thank you in advance for dinner."

I say and leave to check on the pregnancy tests.