Are you okay?

08:31AM

I had forgotten we were in public, and his words momentarily snapped me out of my sorrows long enough to realise that we were still stood on the train platform, open to the mix of scrutiny and worry by the scatter of people around us. Although, only his first question seemed to have registered in my mind as I nodded, using the sleeve of my jumper to wipe my cheeks as I pulled myself away from him.

The sunlight that hit my face made me close my eyes as I squirmed at the intensity of the daylight, alarming Theo as I felt him rest a wary hand on my shoulder, asking what he could do to help. I merely shook my head, too exhausted to explain to him as he wrapped his arm back around my waist and began leading us towards the train station exit.

By now my head was throbbing, as though someone had stuck a drill inside and was relentlessly digging into my brain. My head rested against Theo's shoulder as I burrowed myself into his side, leaning on him for support as my disorientation made it difficult for me to focus on where we were headed.

Within a few minutes of silence between the two of us, aside the odd sniffle from me, we made it out of the train station and back onto the familiar streets of our local area.

"Where to, CJ?" Theo questioned, returning my perplexed look as I glanced up at him. Theo was a little taller than Romeo, his honey eyes catching me by surprise every time I expected to meet dark brown ones. "I've never actually been to your house before, remember?"

My eyes widened as he looked at me expectantly, a hint of amusement in his gaze at my sleepy confusion, before it hit me that I'd always made excuses to avoid Theo seeing where I lived. He offered to walk me to my house a couple times after school or whenever we had gone out at the weekend, but I always declined and assured him I could manage the short walk back to my house.

Truthfully, I was petrified: of how Theo might perceive me, and how my dad might react once Theo had left. There were too many possibilities, none of which I was willing to face, and the thought of Theo seeing where I lived was enough to reignite the usual fears of not wanting to burden him.

Seeing where I lived meant that eventually, he would come inside and see the remnants of what used to be a home; a building stripped of all photos since the frames kept being smashed, with dents adorning the walls and doors to compliment the glass shards found around the house every couple of days.

That would require an explanation I wasn't certain I was ready to give him, and although I had decided to try and stop pushing him away, it felt unnatural to go against the rehearsed answers I'd been giving him throughout our friendship.

"It's only a few streets away," I replied at last, feeling the panic rise in my chest as I described the route I usually took, explaining that it should only take us a couple of minutes. He seemed to notice my apprehension as we walked, his gaze flitting over to me every couple of seconds as I stared at the ground, fighting off the onslaught of thoughts bombarding me and the exhaustion slowly creeping up on me.

I turned my head to meet his gaze, met with a sheepish smile from Theo at being caught. "Stop worrying," I murmured weakly, "I'm fine."

"And it's raining," Theo replied flatly, making a show of pointing out the obvious radiance streaming down from the sky, basking everything in a golden glow and warming up the slight chill in the autumn air. "I won't force you to share anything with me CJ, you know that, but I can't help but be worried."

"It would be easier to tell you if you were a stranger," I smiled sadly, knowing Theo wouldn't understand the full implications of my phrase. "It would be easier to be honest with someone I'd never see again."

Theo didn't speak for a while, silently ruminating before he responded. "We both need to work on honesty, right? So let's start with random, small little things, and then build up to the bigger stuff. How does that sound?"