Wicked Game | Miya Atsumu

forty-five.

warning: curse and explicit language

>>>

### notes!! ###
song on repeat recommendation: don't listen in secret by seventeen 🥲

>>>

The car stopped and the handbrake was pulled. My tears were still running down, more like I couldn't find a way to stop. The picture of Akari walking out from the bathroom was still clear and that got me creating my own scenarios about what happened before I arrive there.

Suna didn't dare to utter a word and just watched me crying silently in the passenger seat. I held my still-shaky hands together and pursed my lips.

"Maybe it's just a misunderstan..."

"Why do I always get cheated on?" I murmured, cutting Suna off from completing his sentence. "Why do I need to go through the same heartbreak?" I asked again. Head still bowed and my eyes were still locked on my trembling hands.

I frowned and wiped my tears. "First it was you and now, him" I said.

"Do I look like a toy? Do I look like an easy girl for you all to play around with? Is that what you guys think of me?" I sniffed.

"No" Suna replied silently. He leaned his back against his seat, sighing out loud. "Y/N, I've never seen you as a toy with no feelings and I'm sure Atsumu thinks of the same thing. I told you, cheating will never be something you can call as an accident . It's a choice that you, yourself made. I know I fucked up once, I admit my fault. I chose to cheat on you, it was my own choice but if we're talking about Atsumu, I didn't dare to say a thing. We don't know if he was the right one or not" Suna turned his head to look at me again.

"You didn't give him the chance to explain, you didn't let yourself listen to what he was going to say" he continued.

"What else to explain, Rin?" my head moved up to look at the guy seated in the driver's seat. "She was half-naked. How did she get into his room if it wasn't him who brought her there? Tell me, why do I need to listen to him if everything was cleared enough?" I yelled.

"But know how much he loves you, he wouldn't do such thin..."

"You loved me yet you're the one who said you cheated on me because you wanted to" again, I cut him off.

"Tell me, what's stopping him from doing the same thing? He's a man after all. Yes, I know how much he loves me and his feeling was mutual. I love him too, more than everything. I don't mind waiting for him to actually forgive me for the thing I did. I don't mind waiting even if it'll take a whole year" my tears flowed even faster as I cried out loud. "I would rather go through the pain of a break up than to witness my boyfriend having sex with someone else behind my back... Again. You don't and will never get to understand how painful it is for me, Rin. The pain I'm carrying with me, it's unbearable, it's extremely painful. Why can't you and Atsumu understand it?" I rubbed my ached chest.

My mental was tired and my body felt numb. All these kind of heartbreaks I was going through, it slowly sucks up my energy and makes me feel drained each day.

"You won't understand how much I love him" head fell down, I started to lose energy from sobbing.

"I had a plan on going further with him. I have so many things that I want to do with him. I want him to bring me to more good places, where it's just the both of us. I missed his hugs, I missed his kisses, I missed everything about him. Why?"

"What is it that I'm lacking? What is it that she has? Why is this happening to me again? It hurts, it hurts so much!" I screamed, hitting my chest continuously.