I just kept walking despite of feeling so afraid and lonely. I don't know why but even after saying all those words that I've longed to tell her, I am not happy.
I don't feel the satisfaction seeing her pained and regretful expression. I should be happy right?
But how come I wasn't?
Instead of happiness, guilt was all over me the moment I took my steps away from her...away from them.
I felt so tired all of a sudden that I only want to go home with my kids and scape this fucking painful reality.
Honestly, can someone tell when will this be over?
I gasped and took more steps faster this time. Why do I have this feeling that the cafeteria became so endless and crowded? I can't breathe...
But then, my steps faltered when I saw someone leaning on the entrance of this fucking place. He's looking at me or rather staring at me as if trying to read the depth of me...
There's still some scratches on his handsome face but what concerns me the most and affects me is the way on how his eyes raked through me.
Pain, anguish, regret, sorrow, longing and love. Those are the emotions that I can clearly see in his eyes. Same eyes that I've longed to stare at for the last two months...no, five years.
"A-Alfred..." that came from me voiceless.
I saw how he hardly tried to walk towards me. He even shoved aways the nurses who tries to assist him. He made his way to me alone...despite all the wincing of pain in his every steps.
"B-baliw ka ba----"
"You called me Luther back there when I was still lying on that freaking hospital bed... Call me that again.. P-please love... Please." he painfully whispered.
"BAKIT KA TUMAYO? SIRA BA TALAGA ANG ULO MO!?" I shouted dahil sa sobrang pag-aalala.
"I felt your pain. I felt that you needed me. I don't know but I can feel it when you are tearing up inside-----"
"H-how dare you? How dare sleep that long? Alam mo ba kung paano mo ko tinakot ha? Kung gaanong takot ang naranasan ko sa loob ng dalawang buwan na hindi ka nagigising? B-bakit ba lagi nyo na lang akong sinasaktan? B-bakit puro na lang kayo pahirap sakin...b-bakit-----"
I wasn't able to finish my questions because Luther suddenly grabs me and kissed me senseless.
Shocks...
" I was afraid too. God knows how much I am afraid not being able to make it. Not being able to wake up so I can comeback to you...to our children.. I suddenly became scared of death....k-kasi baka di ko na kayo mabalikan at di na ko makabawi sa lahat ng kagaguhan ko... But then again, thanks to a mother fucking assholes there... "
" huh?"
" those assholes namely Maxwel, Lucas, Troy, Arthur, Lander, Aldrich and that son of a bitch Xander whispered to me that they will hide you again and make you marry Xander if I didn't wake up in an instant!" I can feel how tense he is.
Natakot nga siguro sa bulong na iyon.
" Mind you Jean. That's a great threat... Tingnan mo nagising agad si gago. Masyado kasing pabebe. Feeling sleeping beauty. Anong akala mo hahalikan ka ni Jean? Ei two months kang di nakapag toothbrush?" gagad ng pinaka malokong si Lander.
Gusto kong matawa kung hindi ko lang iniisip na nandito pa din ako sa iisang lugar kung nasan ang pamilya ko.
" Tangina talaga ng mga to. "Luther winced as he holds me tight." Let's get out of here." he said saka ako hirap na inakay pa alis.
" So ano yan? Okay na kayo? "without even looking back at them, alam kong si Caira yun at alam ko ding nakataas ang kilay ng isang yon.
" Wag muna. Pahirapan mo pa Jean. Sa tren mo naman ipasagasa. "dagdag naman ni Annica na ikinahalakhak ng for sure mga barkada nila. Mga baliw talaga.
Tahimik lang kami na naglakad pabalik sa room nya habang naka assist naman ang mga nurse sa likod namin. Hindi ako naimik. Hey, anong sasabihin ko? Lahat ata ng gusto kong sabihin ay nasabi ko na ng tulog sya.
"How the kids?" he asked after a long while. Tapos na din syang icheck ng mga doctor at kaming dalawa na lang ang naiwan dito ngayon.
"They're fine. W-wala namang problema bukod sa matagal ka na nilang inaantay magising." sagot ko without looking at him. I just can't afford to stare back at him even if he is doing the same thing.
Damn. Jean, badly stop fidgeting... Si Luther lang yan.
" Sorry-"
" Salamat-"
Sabay na sabi namin and this time, napatingin na talaga ako sa kanya.
Sorry?
Para saan naman kaya?
I saw him taking a deep breath bago muling tumingin sakin. Mukha syang kinakabahan din.
"A-alam kong paulit ulit mo ng naririnig yon mula sa bibig ko pero hindi ako magsasawang sabihin yon. Marami akong naging pagkakamali sa malga nakalipas na taon. Hindi lang sayo kundi pati na din sa mga bata... K-kaya kung bibigyan mo lang sana ako ng kahit konting pagkakataon para makabawi, gagawin ko ang lahat. Pangako. Mahal kita Jean. Mahal na mahal. Mula noon at hanggang ngayon. Mas nadagdagan pa nga dahil nalaman kong may mga anak na tayo."
"Alfred--"
"Love, it's Luther for you please. Ever since, ikaw na lang ang binigyan ko ng karapatang tawagin ako nyan. Sayo lang yang pangalan ko na yan."
Muli, isa isa na namang naglaglagan ang mga luha ko. Kung kinakalawang lang siguro ang bawat pahina, umpisa pa lang kinalawang na ang aklat ng istorya kong ito.
" Handa naman akong gawin lahat ei. Kahit ang magpaalipin sayo at sa mga anak natin gagawin ko. Kahit gaano katagal mag iintay ako. Ikaw ang nag intaumy sakin noon kaya ako naman ngayon ang gagawa non. Kung gusto mong sa tren naman ako ipasagasa tulad ng sinabi ni Annica, okay lang basta iutos mo... Gagawin ko----" this time, sya naman ang hindi ko pinatapos sa sasabihin nya dahil muli, bago pa man ako makarinig ng kahit anong suhestiyon na alam kong makakasakit sa kanya ng pisikal ay mabilis ko ng ipinababa ang labi ko sa labi nya para sa isang halik.
Halik na punong puno ng ibat ibang kahulugan. Kalungkutan, sakit, paghihirap... Pagpapatawad at pagmamahal.
"Ma-mahal kita Luther. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita."
°°°
