Serendipity // Lorenzo Berkshire

Chapter 42

~Group Project~

*start song* (replay)
Another nightmare drug me from sleep that very same night.

The entire room was pitch black as I shot up from my bed, gasping for air. Fresh images of my Father's body flashed in my mind. The light leaving his eyes, his hand falling limp in my own...

Vomit rose in my throat and before I knew it I was sprinting to the bathroom and heaving into the toilet. My entire body rocked with tremors and tears were streaming down my face at an alarming rate. The darkness of the night blanketed my body, trapping me in its embrace. Each breath was a fight to exhale.

It felt like I was dying.

I heard her coming instantly. She didn't say or question anything. Just grabbed my hair out of my face and ran her hand over my back in slow circles.

Emotions slammed into me even harder at this, guilt being the worst of all. I couldn't even stand to be around myself anymore. The hole I was falling into felt like it was reaching its end, and that thought didn't terrify me as much as it should.

All I wanted was for the pain to stop. I just wanted to be free from myself just for a while.

I wasn't sure how Enzo expected me to bring myself back from this. I didn't know how he thought I was going to be okay. Nothing felt okay. My mind was constantly searching for danger, but it didn't realize that the person most dangerous to me was myself.

Once I was sure I was done vomiting, I stumbled to the sink and grabbed my toothbrush, scrubbing my teeth so hard that it hurt. Briar stood behind me silently waiting to see if I would say anything.

I grimaced at the reflection in front of me, dimly lit by the moonlight from the window. My eyes looked as hollow as I felt, and my cheeks had sunken in considerably. I looked like an alien to my own body.

Drying the last of my tears, I left the bathroom and slipped into the bed without saying a word to Briar. I shoved my guilt down and locked it up tightly before she walked back into her room and laid down in bed.

Soon her breathing evened out, leaving me the only person left awake. I was back out of bed in an instant and walking over to the window. A sigh escaped my lips as I sat in the sill and pulled my knees up to my chest.

I pressed my cheek to the window, closing my eyes against the coolness of it. My birthday was in a week. Another wave of nausea wash over me at the thought.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pulled my knees closer to my body, hoping everyone was too asleep to hear me. "Hey guys...I know you probably can't hear me and this is a waste of time, but I just wanted to say I miss you." I whispered, voice cracking on the last word, "I'm not doing so well down here, but don't worry about me. I wish you were here. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I didn't go with you is because this is my punishment for everything I've done. Anyways...I hope you guys are doing okay up there, goodnight"