Change For Me

45. finding dory

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Jae's pov

~flashback~

"I like your necklace." Ellie admiringly looks down at the thin chain on my neck.

"Thank you." I drag a finger over it, a bittersweetness to the feeling.

"Where did you get it?" She props her chin and hands on my chest. Her eyes looks up at me with so much curiosity, the expression so adorable, that I almost forget this tightness in my throat.

I swallow, frowning down at the necklace. "It was supposed to be my brother's." She tilts her head confusingly which causes a half grin to plaster itself on my face.

I hesitate, really unsure on whether I should delve into the depths of my past. It's not a big deal anyways, or at least that's what I've convinced myself to belief.

When I look down at her, and she offers me a reassuring smile, I just know that I can't leave her clueless. I take a breath, "My brother died as a baby." I don't entirely blame her for the silent that follows. This topic is not only sensitive but something I've over analyzed for far too long. It's gotten to a point where I need to get it out of my system and have at least one person to understand. The one person being her.

She sits up against the headboard, taking my hand and drawing stars on my palm.

"You don't have to."

"You deserve to know." I look at her for a brief second before shrugging, "It's not a big deal anyways."

A pause.

"Being my mom's first pregnancy, she had a difficult one with him. She had told me that she knew something was wrong the first few months but didn't think too much about it, blaming the hormones and development of the baby. What she didn't expect is him dying due to prematurity." I continue to stare at her ceiling.

"My mom didn't take it well that's for sure. 'Till this day, it impacts the way she acts towards me." I breathe, "She always relives it, holding her baby with so much happiness but only for it to be taken away from her."

"How does she act towards you?" Her drawing on my hand really helps me destress.

"His name was Jae." A hesitant smile appears on my face. "And this necklace...I don't even know why I'm wearing it." I shake my head, realizing how pointless it is for me to. It's probably the guilt? Obligation?

"Although he was too young to understand, I bet he'd be happy to see you wearing it."

"Yeah he would." I scoff, laughing because this conversation is starting to sound silly. I start to regret revealing this unknown part of myself but at the same time, I trust her enough to continue. "He's probably enjoying it, taunting his little brother."

When I sense her face me, I glance at her as well. She must've noticed something from my expression because she gives me a comforting smile. "There's more to it? Isn't there?"

"How did you know?" I'm perplexed by how easily she can read me. It makes me wonder the other times where she has probably seen through my walls.

When I don't say anything else, she assumes what I've always put to the back of my mind, thinking it was me overreacting. "You're not proud."

"I am not," I shake my head softly. "I'm basically the reincarnation of my older brother. From what I've been told, I was born with his hair, eyes, features. I was the same size, and height as him—similar in weight as well. I was even born the same week." I attempt to keep my voice quiet, knowing her parents are sleeping in the other room.