"i'm crazy but you like that" - skins

Episode 6.1

I lay, curled up under a tatty blanket on my bed, surrounded by clutter, old dishes and cigarette butts in my untidy bedroom.
It had been over a week since my heart had sunk when I saw Cook and Effy together, and I'd spent a week isolating myself. I hadn't been to college, and I hadn't saw anyone. I spent every moment either replaying their faces when I'd saw them and imagining them together, or resenting myself for - somewhere along the way - allowing myself to develop feelings for James Cook anyway.
I hadn't heard from him whatsoever, and it made me completely furious. I wanted him to grovel just so I could kick him when he was down.

Suddenly, a knock on my bedroom door snapped me out of my train of thought.

"What?!" I yelled, anticipating my mother on the other side, but it wasn't.
"It's me." Naomi croaked as she opened the door.

I didn't even respond to her statement or politely greet her, just sighed and lay back.

"You look... happy." She sarcastically stated.
"Thanks." I remarked back.
"So, uh, what's going on? You've been completely AWOL and -"
"Crack that window." I interrupted her, gesturing to the window closest to my bed. She obliged and opened it, and I reached for the cigarettes in my bedside drawer and sparked one.
"So, why are you not coming to college or answering phone calls and spending your time hauled up in your bedroom smoking then?" She demanded to know.
I stayed silent for a moment then forced a sarcastic laugh. "You remember when I told you that Cook fucked Pandora?"
"Vividly."
"Well, now he's fucked Effy as well." I filled her in.
"No." She shook her head in disbelief.
"Yeah."
"Why?" She raised her eyebrows, still as shocked as she was a second ago.
"Because... he's Cook."
"And you're bothered now?" She was seeking clarification.
"Yes, Naomi." I rolled my eyes. "I'm bothered now."
"So, how did you find out?" She pried.
"I saw them. I was on a date with Freddie, and we saw them through her window."
"Hang on." She held her hand up, her jaw slightly dropping now. "You were on a date with Freddie?"
"Yes, but it wasn't serious. But when I tried to have sex with him to get back at them, he rejected me!" I ranted.
"You... you went on a date with Freddie and tried to have sex with him?" Naomi looked like she'd took on far too much information.
"Yes. Keep up." I continued to smoke as she digested the information.
"Have you - have you spoke to him since?" She stammered, clearly unsure of which question to ask next.
"Briefly. I was so angry at him. But then I spoke to my sister, and she - being her reasonable fucking self - made me realise that not everyone wants to handle stuff like I do, and he was just being... being Freddie. Being right."
"That is true." She nodded along. "So, what are you doing?"
I frowned at her. "What the fuck do you mean? I'm smoking and lying in bed."
"I - I can see that. But it's not very Jofie, is it?"
"Huh?" I cocked my head, insinuating that I didn't understand whatever she was implying.
"Lying in bed, feeling sorry for herself, not speaking to anyone. You haven't been to college in over a week, and everyone's noticed."
"I don't care what anyone else thinks." I snapped, stubbing out the cigarette.
"I guess that's good, because I know what Cook and Effy will be thinking."
I scoffed. "You do?"
"Yeah. Effy will be thinking 'ha, I've fucked her over enough that she's become a depressive who can't even face seeing me', and Cook will be thinking, 'I've broke her heart so bad that she can't even come to college anymore. She was obviously completely in love with me.'" Naomi expressed her thoughts. As she paused for a second, I couldn't help but think about what she was saying. I knew what she was doing in an attempt to get me back to my usual self and help me return to college, but she was right. That was what they'd be thinking.
And then she continued, "I mean, usual Jofie would never let anyone think that. She'd make sure that she showed her face and let everyone know that she was fine, that she didn't give a fuck about them or what they did, and that she was better than them. But clearly, you just want to -"
"Fine." I stopped her in her tracks. "You've snapped me back."
"I'll come past before college in the morning and we'll walk together?" She smirked, knowing she'd succeeded.
"Sure."
She smiled. "I'm excited to see you back, Jofie."
"Me too." I smiled back at her before she left.