Be My Superman (A Louis Tomlinson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 24

I sniffled, pulling away. "No, I'm sorry. You had every right to snap at me. I was being completely unreasonable last night, and I was acting like a complete bitch. I just want you to know that I'm interested in you, and only you. I've realized that I was just jealous, but not because I couldn't have Louis. It's really confusing to try to understand, but I just want you to know that I'm so sorry, and the only thing I really want is to be happily together again, and--" he cut me off with a kiss.

After a few seconds, I laughed a bit and said, "That's a good way to get me to shut up."

Josh smiled, leaning in to kiss me again. "I forgive you. But, I think you should get everything sorted out with Louis and Jos first, okay?"

I nodded my head and he kissed my forehead. "Good luck," he whispered, letting me go. 

I smiled, walking away. Thank God Josh forgave me. I don't know what would happen if he didn't. 

Right as I was walking away, Louis emerged from his room. Perfect timing. 

"Louis, c-can I talk to you?" I asked, getting all shy again.

He turned to face me and crossed his arms. "Depends. Are you only going to tell me what a bitch Josie is, or would you like to have an actual civil conversation?" he asked.

I sighed, closing my eyes. "I want to have a real conversation."

"I'm listening," he said, leaning against the wall.

I sighed and said, "I want to start out by saying...I'm really sorry. What I said about and to Joslynn wasn't in any way true. I regret everything I said. I know it may be hard to believe after seeing me like that, but after Josh got mad at me and refused to talk to me, I was forced to sit and think. I stayed up for a long time and thought about it. I just...came to a few realizations."

"And what would those realizations be?"

"Well, I think I was just...jealous," I sighed.

"But why? You're going out with Josh. You have no reason to be jealous. Josh has been nothing but good to you. Josh is a really good guy, and you can't just go and betray him like that."

I started to tear up once again. "I know. I am so, unbelievably lucky to have a person like Josh. Put, I think what made me jealous was the way you look at Joslynn. The way you treat her. The way you love her. I never felt that from you, nor have I ever felt that from anyone. We broke up because of the distance and we just couldn't take it. But, with Joslynn, you decide to just let her move in with you to avoid that. That hurt my feelings because you never wanted to do anything remotely close to that with me. I just...I was jealous that you never saw and treated me like that," I said.

"But, Eleanor, I've known Josie my entire life. I had only known you a few months, and I wasn't ready to let you pack up everything and move in with me. I didn't feel the love for you I felt with Josie. I don't want you to be hurt when I say that, because I know you weren't in love with me, either. We didn't know each other well enough and we hadn't been together long enough. I feel in love with Josie. I can't fight that," he said. 

"Have you ever considered that's why I was jealous in the first place? It was because you love Joslynn. I felt like shit, Louis. I felt like you paid more attention to her than me the entire relationship. You made more efforts to keep in touch with her than with me, your girlfriend at the time. I always questioned if you liked Joslynn, and I was almost sure you were in love with her. Being your girlfriend, that was really hard to think about. I was worried that I wasn't good enough. I was worried that you would get rid of me for Joslynn the entire relationship. When you finally broke up with me, I was convinced for a while that you left me for Joslynn, and that really hurt my feelings, especially since Joslynn was one of my best friends. I didn't have a real conversation with her for weeks beecause of that. Did you ever consider that's why I was jealous? I was jealous because my boyfriend was looking at another girl the way I thought he should be looking at me, and I guess I'm still not fully over it," I breathed out, tears rolling down my cheeks.