✧The Earthe of the Elves✧

39

The man doesn't seem to care, though, as he hands me a room key.

I quickly grab the key and nod a thank you, turning and heading to the stairs.

I don't ever want to do that again, thank you.

-

Although I feel the pressure of our task tomorrow over my head like the rain clouds over the sky, I can't help but feel a homey comfort tonight. The sun has gone down, so the only light in our room are the little yellow-light lamps on the nightstands of the two queen beds. It reminds me of times I've been to hotels with family or friends, how I always loved the cozy vibe of nighttime at a hotel.

Before we came here Knox and I stopped at a dollar store for band-aids and cheap toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and pajamas. The healing cream isn't working as fast as usual, which is kinda annoying. Is it old? Is Earth affecting it? I'm not sure, but my cut is still painful as hell. It's just barely starting to scab over. I've been trying not to move it too much so it doesn't break open again.

I check my face for bruises, and notice one on the side of my head, and a few yellowing spots on my throat, but other than that I'm not terrible. I look tired, though. I figure I should take a shower. Clicking the lock on the door, I open my phone to play some music, deciding I should pretend to be normal for a few minutes. Just then an Imessage banner comes down on my screen. I don't mean to, but I slide down, opening it just enough to read it, hopefully not enough to show my mom that I read it. The text is from her.

Mia, if you can see this, I'm texting again. I know it's been months, and I know my texts haven't been opened yet, but I'm still hoping. Wherever you are, I pray you're safe, and I need you to come home. I need you. I miss you so much, and I love you so much. If you left on your own, please come home, we can talk. But I don't think you would leave, and I'm scared, I don't know where you are. I miss you more than you know. I lost your dad, I cannot lose you. Please, please come home. Open this, respond, let me know where you are if you're out there. I know you are. I love you more than anything. 

My hands start shaking. My mouth opens, but it's not like I can say anything to her. I close my phone, placing it on the marble counter top. The world blurs as tears fill my vision, and a wave of nauseous homesickness, despair, guilt, everything, overwhelms me. My chest tightens and my throat hurts as tears drop out of my eyes at every blink.

Hands still shaking, I take off my clothes and step in the shower, biting my lip to keep from screaming as I turn the water on, letting it run as loud as it can so Knox won't hear me. When the shower is hot enough that steam is rising from the pelting water, and the pounding of it on the side of the tub is loud enough, I finally let it out.

Sobs I can't control rack my body, tears mixed with shower water turning my world to a useless blur. I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I miss you so much. I miss you. I never really stopped to think that while I was enjoying my time on Earthe, my mom was worried sick about me. I suddenly feel sick with guilt. 

Even in the shower, with the fan running, I know Knox might hear me. The walls are thin. So I let the sobs out, but as quiet as I can. It's infuriating, I want to scream and cry as loud as I want, but it's something I've always done. I've never cried this hard in front of anyone. I always wait until I'm alone. I'm so used to crying silently I almost forgot what it was like to full on sob. I never shared super deep feelings with anyone. I don't know why.

Well...

Maybe because I didn't trust anyone with that kind of information about me, I didn't want anyone to see me in such a way as this. Maybe I'm scared of being judged. Maybe I'm scared of sharing feelings this deeply rooted with anyone, because I don't want to bother anyone, or be the center of attention, or- I don't even know. But I don't want Knox to know I currently feel like a car fell on my chest. Maybe hiding is a bad habit, but I'm used to not trusting people with scary emotions.

I just want to go home. It's all I can think as I sink to the tub floor, careful to keep my left leg straight. I wrap my arms around my right leg, letting my forehead fall onto my kneecap. I barely feel the water running down the sides of my face, into my mouth and eyes. My cut stings with every drop of hot water that touches it, making my eyes water even more. My jaw aches from grinding my teeth together, all my muscles are tight. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't. I can't. I can't.

-

It takes about an hour, but eventually my sobs fade to just crying, then to calming down, and eventually to normal. By the time I'm done with the shower my head is throbbing from crying so hard, and my muscles are tired. My hair and body are clean, though, and I feel lighter. I still ache to go home, but crying your eyes out for an hour does let everything out nicely.

At the dollar store I got some steri-strips, so now that I'm dried off I apply the strips onto my thigh, placing a bandaid over it. Carefully, I move my leg around a bit, nodding happily to myself as I don't feel any pain until I pull my leg up like I'm going into a quad stretch. A small stab of pain has me wincing and putting my leg down right away. I just need to be careful.

I use the blowdryer that came with the hotel on my hair, brushing out the knots until it's dry and flat- that time also happens to let the puffyness and redness fade from my eyes.

Time to go back to the cozy hotel lighting, and forget for a bit.

"Hey," Knox says, looking up from a map he has sprawled across his lap. He's undressed from all of the daytime clothes, and gotten into the PJs I bought for him- a loose white t-shirt and plaid bottoms. His hair has a few small braids in it, his pointy ears showing. The elf hair, human clothes combo is a look, I have to admit. His soft smile sends a tendril of warmth into my chest, and I try to grab on, letting it spread. I smile back, thinking how grateful I am to have someone who just does that. Someone who makes you happier simply by looking at you.

After slipping on some socks I hop over to Knox's bed, plopping down next to him and sighing as I sink into the soft mattress.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Just looking around where you said your house is. Making sure I know the area and where it corresponds to on Earthe."

I nod, not knowing what else to say. He quietly folds the map up and tosses it on his desk, then shifts his body so he's facing me. His eyes search mine.

"Are you okay?"

My stomach tightens, and I'm sure my face goes slack for a split second, but then I blink and breathe, and I feel more normal again. I look away from him. Should I tell the truth? Is that even a question? Why do I feel the need to lie?

So I force myself to shake my head.

"My mom texted me. She's been texting me since I left. I read it." The rest of the story is clear, and I'm sure Knox can read my emotions in my eyes. My throat hurts, and I stubbornly push back the tears. I don't want to cry again.

"I'm sorry," He says quietly, giving me a truly sincere look before placing a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. I give in, letting myself melt against him, letting him hold me as I try to get my breathing under control again. I wrap my arms around Knox's waist and breathe in his warm smell that I know so well.

We stay here, in each other's arms, for a while. Him resting his head on top of mine, me listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rise and fall of his chest.

I understand why I'm so grateful for him. He helps me, holds me, comforts me when I need it. But he doesn't act like I can't handle myself. He doesn't baby me or, the opposite, tell me to toughen up. He respects me as I respect him, and we both help heal each other.

It quite literally makes my heart swell up with joy.

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I loved writing about the hotel lowkey. I love the vibes of being in a hotel at night, it's so cozy.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED WE'RE MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH THE BOOK. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.

Anywayyyyyy...