SIREN | HS *on hold*

24 - Jump

Taking a chance, I move my hand to rest on her thigh which makes her freeze.

I continue to push my luck and move my hand forward and back on her thigh, calming some of the goosebumps that keep popping up on her thigh. The muscles in her leg start to tense when I do that, but soon calm down again.

"I keep things from you because it terrifies me how much I-" she starts but her bottom lip trembles again, causing her to take a deep breath to try and calm down. "It terrifies me how much I think about you."

Her second confession has me trying to hide a smile, so I start clenching my jaw so I don't.

I think about you too.

Instead of telling her that because honestly I think it will just freak her out even more, I try to get her to talk more.

"Why are you so scared?" I ask and again try to keep my voice soft enough.

I still my hand on her upper thigh, keeping my thumb moving in a constant circle on the outside of it to let her know that I'm here for her if she wants to talk.

Downstairs when I was screaming, I was just frustrated. I just wanted her to talk to me, and now I know why she wasn't.

Now I know why she's so hesitant to let anybody in anymore, to let anybody know her.

And it's because right now, she doesn't even know herself.

"I lost my mom too."

My eyes immediately move from her thigh to her face, and I can see she's trying so fucking hard not to cry right now after those words left her lips.

This explains exactly why she got so tense when I brought up my mom, she knows that pain.

She can't stop the tears that start falling down her cheeks, and she doesn't try to either.

I reach for her left hand which is sitting in her lap, holding it as tight as I can without hurting her, and she just squeezes back. She still can't look at me, but for some reason I can't take my eyes off of her.

"Fucking hate crying." she says and tries to cover her pain with a laugh, her other hand coming up to wipe some of the tears from under her nose.

I know it's a long shot, but I offer anyway.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Instead of saying anything, she looks down at her lap where I'm holding her hand and brings her free hand over to them. Gently placing her hand on top of our intertwined ones, she lets out a shaky breath.

She spends a minute just running her fingers over and playing with my rings, then tracing the small cross tattoo on the top of my hand.

"Religious?" she asks while still looking down at her lap.

I know she's not deflecting, and I know she just needs time to be able to talk about this so that's exactly what I'm gonna give her.

"No, mum was though." I say quietly, adjusting my hand so she can see more tattoos on my wrist which her fingers immediately gravitate towards.

Her breathing skips which makes me look at her face, checking to see if she's okay but her gaze is still on our hands.

"You miss her."

I don't think she realizes what she said, her body completely still while she continues to play with my hand.

Her words sound almost like she's talking to herself, and it makes me realize again how much pain she's actually in.