Living together | dnf

Selfish

[a/n] this may be an intense chapter, skip if necessary and don't feel bad about it. I apologize for all the angst, and there will be fluff chapters coming soon!! there will be a summary of what happens if you do skip, and remember, please reach out for help if you need it.

tw - mention of razors, themes/mention/of suicide, pills (please skip if any of these will trigger you <3)

summary - George wakes up and sees dream still asleep, when he goes to the bathroom to find his razor, he can't find it and panics. Dream woke up a little after George had locked himself in the bathroom, taking a few pills.

wordcount - 1074

George moved alot in his sleep, rolling side to side, switching positions and mumbling random words and noises. He kept Dream awake the majority of the night, wondering why he moved so much, but he too, eventually fell asleep in a spooning position with George.

The time was almost 3 am when George rolled off of the bed completely, hitting the floor and groaning. He sat up slowly as he rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes, only to realize Dream was sleeping peacefully.  He didn't remember falling asleep, the last thing he did remember was Dream dancing in the kitchen to entertain him as he cooked.

He realized he had some time to himself, and as risky as it was he stood up off of the floor and ambled into the bathroom, where he didn't bother to shut the door since Dream wasn't up. He wasn't up and neither was Bad or Sapnap, he had himself in control and could do what he wanted.

He got onto his knees, a position which wasn't foreign to him (aha sorry trying to make someone laugh w/the angst) and lifted the carpet. The razor he'd left was no longer there and he began to panic. He searched the bathroom as quietly as he could, finding nothing but normal bathroom stuff.

Hearing a few incoherent mumbles from bed, he thought maybe it'd just be best to return to sleep with Dream, but thoughts in his head fought against eachother, racing to what he thought was the better solution. He shut the bathroom door, locking it and sliding down so he sat against it.

This all gave him a sense of deja vu. Only the day, not even a full 24 hours ago did he lock himself in the same bathroom, the same situation of feeling like shit. He slowly thought deeper and deeper into everything and into his options.

Tears spilled from his eyes again, and you'd think with all the crying he'd been doing he'd been dried of his tears. But they kept coming and coming as he choked on his sobs.

He was just tired. Tired of everything, of feeling more that he was just merely existing. He stood from where he once sat against the bathroom door.

George walked tiredly to the sink, his hands on each side as he stared in the mirror. His face an expression of disgust. He remembered every little comment made towards him, like how on his streams people would say he was 'too slim' or how complete strangers would give him dirty looks in public. Then there was Dream, he was just so perfect. Perfect body. Perfect face. Perfect personality and the perfect boyfriend.

He felt selfish for even looking at the bottle of pills sitting idly in the cabinet, because he knew it would hurt Dream. He knew it would hurt his friends, but he couldn't bare it anymore. He couldn't bare to stand his own pain, the the idea of just downing the bottle and making it go away, sounded better with the consequence of his friends hurting for making a week or so.

-

Dream went to wrap his arms around George once he'd waken a little, but his grasp went to nothing. When he opened his eyes, George wasn't in bed. He immediately looked over to the bathroom.

The light under the door shone dimly, and it  felt like a total repeat of what happened earlier. Of course, Dream didn't think he was just using the bathroom, it was almost 3:30 AM and considering last time, he thought the worst.

He got up fairly quickly, ignoring the dizziness he experienced getting up so fast. Instead of sitting back down he knocked lightly on the door.

All he could hear when he pressed his ear against the door were a few sniffles.

"George? Hey, can you open the door please?" He didn't bother to check the handle, if something was happening in there there was no chance it would remain unlocked. He didn't want to alarm George by barging in, he wanted to see if he could get him to open the door himself first.

"I love you, I love you so much." His words came out of his mouth in sort of a slur, in a cry.

"I love you too, I need you to let me in." He tried to maintain the calmest voice he could, but seeing Georges mental health slowly and slowly getting worse was taking a toll on him aswell.

This wasn't the first time he'd dealt with something like this. He had an old friend who'd gone through the exact thing George was going through, but him being only 17 at the time, he had no clue what he could actually do to help. He didn't know how to actually approach the situation or make sure his friend was okay.

He didn't want George to think he had to go through this alone like his friend did, to feel like he had no one by his side. It broke his heart to think that he was in such a low place to where he would lock himself in the bathroom even when no one was awake.

"I'm sorry."

Dreams breath hitched, his heart rate picking up. He had no clue what George had done now.

"Why are you sorry?" Now he tried the doorknob, a sliver of hope he'd left it unlocked. He didn't.

But George wouldn't answer him. He only kept repeating how sorry he was, how much he loved Dream. He was like a broken record player, repeating the same words over and over.

And it sounded all too familiar to not be what he was thinking.

--

haha cliffhanger