Life is a school.

Pour your heart out

Trigger warning: mentioning of Eating disorder

Lilith's POV:
My brain couldn't decide whether it is mad, sad or just frustrated. The last days felt like a rollercoaster of emotions that just wouldn't end. He is safe, he is alive and he committed his heart to me. Well at least he told me not to worry. Even though he knew, I would. He knows that my brain, my mind and everything that makes me the way I am is build up on overthinking and worries.
And I know that as well. The cushions of Ruby's Sofa are very comfortable, I literally sink into the padding. It is much better to sit here than lay on our mattress in the van. Living in there is hard.
My stomach is growling in need of food. Which reminds me that the last meal I had was yesterday morning. I had one cereal bar and two apples.
"Wow you must be hungry, that little belly is not growling it is literally screaming at me." Ruby laughs and he managed to make me smile as well. He is such a good soul. "Yeah... it's been a while, but... I'm not hungry."- what a lie, my stomach hurts of it's emptiness but I enjoy the feeling of an empty stomach. "Can I just have a glass of cold water please?" I ask him, because what I love about the feel of an empty stomach is when cold water slips through your throat and slowly enters your stomach. He nods and gets up: "you sure you don't want anything, you are already this tiny, you don't need to diet or anything like that." I immediately shake my head and start laughing nervously: "no... um I am not a diet person, I think. Just very picky with what I eat." I put my head between my hands and think of how to come out this situation. "Just saying, I've been working at a pizza shop for some while and I am known to be their best baker!" Ruby smiles at me with this big grin on his face serving me the ordered cold water. I instantly chug it down with no hesitation. "Thank you, that is really nice of you. I could've gotten it myself but, thanks. So you are a pizza baker?" I ask him, because I want to get to know him. He nods: "well not completely, I also study music. And what about you? You seem pretty young!" I let out a little laughter and look at him, while tucking a strain of hair behind my ear i recognize the color of his eyes. They are brown, normally not my type but the way he looks at me, so generous is making me melt. "Uh.. yeah... it's complicated. I actually just dropped out of school... so currently nothing." I look down out of embarrassment and play with my boney fingers. "Are you guys planing to stay here in New Orleans?" Ruby sits down next to me on the settle. I just shrugged with my shoulders: "well I don't know, probably depends on Eric. With this whole thing that just started... we are overwhelmed, I mean look at him, he almost drank himself to death and to be honest, we have a dime to survive the month because his stay at the police station cost almost our whole money. Well except the dime. We can't go anywhere else right now, at least not with a car. It would need too much fuel to get to the next city. So at least this month." He looked at me, with the word concerning almost written over his forehead. It didn't take him long to answer: "well you can definitely take showers at our house and if you need food you know where we are. But things will change when he has his firsts gigs. They will get you at least some money. And if you stay here with us, we can have a look at you. But please go back to school. We have one right around the corner. Lots of African American kids there but they are such great souls, don't let them intimidate you!" I nod and smile a bit: "that is so nice of you, but would scrim agree?" My concerns feel real, he doesn't seem like a person to just let people crash at their home." Ruby walks around the room going through his thoughts: "yeah. He has to, when he came to my parents home, without a roof over his head, addicted to drugs and with no money. We gave him a home too." I shake my head: "that's something different, you are his family." I stand up and walk to the bathroom to take a look at Ghoste. He laid in the bathtub his legs are ankled so he can swim with his head in the water. When he saw me, he slowly bend up. I sat next to the bathtub and laid my head on the walls of the bathtub. "How are you?" I ask him and take his hand. As soon as I saw him all the anger and frustration was gone. I felt relieved and the feeling of his wet skin was somehow arousing. He smiles at me: "better, I need to apologize to you. What I did was pretty shitty. I am sorry." I look at his hands, the black nail polish on his fingernails are cracked and look like they hadn't been freshed ever. "Yeah you sure need to. Ruby asked if we want to stay here for a little while, til we have enough money to make an own living." The way I said it was at the same time very calm and quite but also guilty. Ghoste rests his head next to mine and plants a little kiss on my forehead: "I gotta tell you something, the manager of GBC, some alternative rap label wants to see me. I'll have to leave in one day
to Los Angeles and perform there. If everything goes well I might have an income. So I shouldn't miss that opportunity. He is also going to pay for a flight, but only for one seat... so it might be a good idea for you to stay here." His eyes look sad but at the same time he seems so excited about it, like he couldn't wait. I can't refuse him to go there so I just stroke his hair and nodded: "oh I thought about going back to school. Well it was more like Ruby's idea but I think I gotta do it." He lets out a small laughter: "but don't fall in love with your teacher" Eric winks at me and smiles. "Nah, I already have one." I wink back and kissed him: "I love you." He slowly comes to my ear and whispers: "I love you too"