Life is a school.

Sobirity

Eric's POV:
I missed her, I really did... the last few weeks I was doing tons of drugs, swallowed pills like crazy, snorted everything up my nose and fucked ever girl in my range. But one thing I just realized after weeks of this lifestyle I shared with peep. I needed to stop. All of this. I need to become sober. The answer just hit me like a lightning bolt, it stung my body.
My veins froze, every muscle, every bloodline and pain receptors buzzed. I feel my body arch with every move I make. Every thought is one to far. For some reason I forgot how to function like a normal human being. My eyes stare at the ceiling of the tall factory hall-like building. The room is already filled with sunshine and around me bottles of liquor, sleeping rappers and a laptop with headphones jacked in. I must've been working before I went to „bed". But to be honest, I had no idea. I had no clue what I did the last days. All I remember that I started this challenge with peep, who could stay on xan's the longest. He prolly won. He is still continuing his strike. I mean I'm not sober yet but I had absolutely no reason to continue mine. The headache that has been torturing me since my first thought is bringing up an uncomfortable feeling in my tummy. I was about to throw up but I still made it to the bathroom. My noises of puking became so silent the last days. First it was painful but now it's just like breathing. I open my mouth and everything that needs to leave my body is coming out. I was trained...
It was my morning walk of shame. Everyday since I been here, first thing in the morning. This small cardio workout was so fixed in my mind muscle coordination like the walk to the sink, washing out my mouth, grabbing the pill bottle on top of the shelf and pouring it down with the "mouthwash" aka peppermint liquor. Just as I wanted to take the pill in the mouth I realized that I almost popped a pill without even wanting to. It was so embraced in my mind, I wasn't even thinking about it.
It was an automatic impulse. Damn I need help.
I play with the pill between my fingers, the bar looked good to me, like a friend. Something close, something... I know. I look up, the small medicine cabinet that had a mirror attached to it, showed a man with big wrinkles under his eyes. Tired, dark circles eyes, lost, died. I looked like I was dead. My pale face wasn't looking back. It was just staring at the reflection of the mirror. "Looser." I call myself while I touch the mirror, my lip in the reflection. A small red cut highlights the left corner of my bottom-lip, I have no idea where I got that from. "Asshole" I add and stare at those blank eyes. They seem sad or at least not able to smile. Every spark is gone. Every little light is drained in my widened pupils.
I gotta talk to Lil. I gotta know what she is up to. I wanna hear her voice so desperately...
I take my phone out of my pants and unlock it.
8%, just enough.
I go to her contact and directly call her.

Ring... Ring... Ring...

Nothing.

Ring... Ring...

„Hey it's Lil'!" a happy voice starts, my heart drops to my knees. I'm so glad she picked up her phone. And she didn't sound mad at all! She doesn't even seem to be angry at me, not sad more like happy surprised about my call.
All those things rushed through my head within mili-seconds: "thanks god you answered, we need..." - "Sorry that you couldn't reach me, but please leave a message and I will call you back. I promise!" She interrupted me. Or more her voicemail did...

Beep

"Oh...  fuck it!" i say out loud and ended the call. Well this was a fail...
"You full blown idiot!" My voice became more violent. A bit harsh with an aggressive under tone.
My eyes narrowed, still looking at the reflection. It was like I started a staring contest with myself. I leaned against the sink, my eyes pinned to the pale, thin and half naked person in the mirror. I saw that person and it was like I met my biggest enemy. The things I did, the secrets I hid were showing through this facade. It was like the good shell slowly cracked away from my painful skin. Skin black as oil, poisonous like the bite of a snake and a smell like a corpse that chilled in Death Valley for a few days. Everything about that man was so unattractive and terrible it made me sick. I was sick. I was sick of seeing this dumb face, this annoyed look and the never ending thoughts that shot my brain with every second I spend in this body. My eyes narrowed again and my distance to the mirror became smaller and smaller until my nose was pressed against the cheap material of the cabinet's mirror. "You useless peace of shit." I point at that man, that has been staring at me for longer than I wanted now. The man who looked just like me, who called me all these names and that stole all my willpower. My voice raised another time, with every word that escaped my lungs came out like a giant growl of a lion. I was screaming, shouting at myself. My fist tightened in my own grip and swung out. I punched the mirror I was just leaning against, into hundreds of pieces. They scattered around the room and my hand started bleeding like crazy.
I pick out the biggest chunks out of my hand and grab the bottle of pills. Take another look at myself in the broken mirror, nod: "yeah, I'm right, fuck this." And chug down three bars with the "mouthwash".
Higher dose than usual but, like I said, fuck it.
A couple of seconds later Bexey entered the room. He scanned my body, all the signatures, every little detail. His stare rested on my lower half just by my crotch. But instead of my best friend he looked at my hand. The blood was dripping on the floor. His stare quickly turned into a frown and his nostrils flattered like those of a bull: "Ghoste." His voice as aggressive it could be. "What have I told you about your fucking aggression problem, every day I hear your fist torture whatever is in it's range. Every time, I say it one more time, every fucking time I hear you smash something, the ice cracks. Look for your fucking fist bro. And common get your fucking life together, asshole." My tolerance was unbelievably thin, like a tiny crust. And with every single word my hate grew. And suddenly I exploded like a firework in a can. It was loud, rapid and rough. I grabbed him by the neck and pushed his body against the white tile wall: "never call me a fucking asshole again, bitch. And don't you ever, every again raise your voice against me. It's not your fucking problem!"

Lilith's POV:
I spend the days mostly with Ruby. Scott was working on their new album and Ruby already had his verses. We hung out at the skatepark, he skated I watched, went to schools to apply at and get some clothes for my first school days.
I started school in a couple of weeks and currently my closet were 20% Ruby's clothes that accidentally landed in Scrim's closet, 70% Scrim's closes and my Pyjama. Actually an item I own. Well actually it's just this shirt from the vacation to the niagara falls and some shorts. We had a great day and got everything we wanted. We were at Tacobell and I stared at my salad in that tortilla like shell. In my head the number 900 was all I could think of in this moment. 900 calories were in this salad. I looked it up while I was in the bathroom. Where I saw, one missed call. But not only one call. His call. The call I was awaiting so dearly. Oh and a message. Maybe this was him telling me, that he is on his way back. That he's coming to pick me up. Care for me, love me, rest me and make all the pain worth it. I tap on listen and hold the phone to my ear: "Oh... fuck it."
End of audio...