Caleb

Chapter Twenty Six

This can't be real. How could he have faked all of that?

Lainey's mind was reeling, trying to make sense of what she had heard. Denial was her heart's first instinct as it rejected the idea that Caleb didn't love her. Sure he'd never said it, but she could feel it. That's a thing right? A person can feel it when they are loved by another person can't they?

Maybe I only felt what Caleb wanted me to feel. Maybe it was all part of whatever bullshit strategy he had mentioned  in order to get a look at my fathers financial records.

But last night we...oh my God was all of that an act? Did he sleep with me for personal gain? 

Her body physically convulsed forward, making all of her muscles contract in pain as if it were trying to rid itself of the painful thoughts and horrific words that were replaying over and over and over again.

She was spiraling, losing complete control of her body as her chest pumped wildly, desperate for oxygen.

Stop it Lainey. Just fucking stop.

Taking a few deep breaths, she quieted her screaming mind and closed her eyes, hoping to be able to focus through her adrenaline surge.

Stop denying what you heard. You heard it. You heard it with your own damn ears. You let your emotions get the better of you and trusted when you shouldn't have. This is your fault and no one else's because you allowed yourself to get involved...now uninvolve yourself.

"I knew this would happen." Lainey whispered to herself.

And with those few words, Lainey shut down.

She felt the deep emotion and connection that she had with Caleb start to drain from her body along with the sadness that was now associated with him. Lainey's defenses were trying to rid her of emotions completely in order to protect her and it was working. After a few minutes Lainey stood from the floor with a cold emotionless expression as she harshly wiped away tears from her cheeks. She squared her shoulders and closed everyone out, knowing that feeling numb was better than feeling hurt and right now numb was all she wanted.

Lainey turned off the shower and crawled into her bed, pulling the covers over her head to hide from the world - to hide from Caleb and her feelings for him. Her adrenaline rush had only worsened her fatigue and she knew she should probably go grab her pills from her purse, but couldn't force herself out of the bed. She closed her eyes and prayed that she could fall asleep.

I don't want to feel any of this. I don't want to feel anything at all.

*****

An hour or two later Lainey woke to the sound of a fist banging on her door.

"Lainey, I'm worried about you Darlin. Why aren't you answering me." Caleb's voice boomed from the other side of the door.

Go away. Quit pretending like you care.

Closing her eyes again, Lainey ignored Caleb, but doubted she could have gotten up even if she wanted to. Deep fatigue had set in and she realized she really should have taken some of her medication before she drifted to sleep.

"Lainey! Answer me if you're okay. Or I'm knocking down the fucking door." Caleb's voice was loud and desperate and she could hear the deep rumble of Marcus' voice as well.

Leave me alone Caleb.

"I'm okay." she said flatly from her bed, hoping he heard her and would go away.

"You don't sound okay. Talk to me sweetheart. Will you let me in please?"

Absolutely fucking not.

Lainey groaned as she sat up and stood from the bed on shaky legs and walked over to the door.

"I'm fine Caleb, I just fell asleep." She said through the wood. Her voice had some bite to it, but she wasn't sorry.

There was silence behind the door for a second or two before he spoke again.

"Is something wrong?"

Only everything.

It was Lainey's turn to be silent this time.

"Please let me in Lainey girl. I need to see that you're okay."

His little terms of endearment used to make Lainey's stomach do flip, but today they set her on fire. She saw red at his audacity to continue this ridiculous charade, trying to trick her into thinking he had genuine feelings for her with his soft voice and sweet nicknames.

She flung the door open with a cold emotionless expression.

"I'm fine...see?" she said flatly, before she pushed the door in an attempt to close it again.

Caleb's strong hand stopped the door immediately as he looked her up and down with a confused expression until his eyes settled on her face.

"Woah, woah, woah, have you been crying?" Caleb said as he forced himself inside the room and cupped her face before she could protest.

Yes.

"No" she said, jerking her head out of his hands as she put several feet of space between them.

Lainey was furious with Caleb. She was so angry and hurt that she felt like she could breathe fire and spit venom, but the look on his face gutted her when she pulled her face from his hands.

How are you so good at faking this? Is bullshitting a skill they taught you in the Navy?

"You're gonna have to talk to me sweetheart. Help me understand what's going on. What's wrong?"

I don't want to talk to you about this right now Caleb, I can't have this conversation with my head pounding like this and my legs so shaky. I need you to go away. I don't want to hear your lies and excuses which I'm sure you have already planned out.

"I don't feel that great Caleb and I need to get ready for tonight's dinner. It's already almost 4:00. You should go." Lainey said coldly.

"Go?" Caleb said the word like it tasted bad and recoiled his head as he drew his brows in.

"Lainey if you don't feel good, let me help you. Let me fix it Darlin," he soothed, trying to close the space between them.

No I'm done with this. You aren't going to manipulate me like this any more. Stop acting like you care, Caleb. I know exactly what you're doing.

"I'm fine Caleb...I just need some space." she said with a cold tone as she backed away.

"Space from me?" he asked in confusion.

"Yes." her answer was immediate and heartless.

He took a step back as if she had physically pushed him away.

"Okay Lainey. I'll give you whatever you need, even space." he finally relented with his hands up in a surrender pose.

He turned to leave with his brows drawn and his lips pressed into a hard line, stopping at her purse and pulling out her medication before he reached the door.

"Take another dose of these if you aren't feeling well Lainey, that hike may have taken a little too much out of you." he said, setting her meds on the dresser before he disappeared around the corner.

Hating that he was right, Lainey snatched the pills from the dresser and popped them in her mouth before collapsing into her chair. 

Lainey squeezed her eyes closed and rested her head against the back of the chair, desperately fighting against her own tears. 

How could you do this to me Caleb? You promised you'd never hurt me.