𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 ~ 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦

𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕝

i should be next to your heartbeat. i should be laying up against you while our body heat collides. your soul should be intertwined with mine but instead i am lying in my bed, an empty space yearning for you to be lying next to me. and the only thing that could possibly make me feel better was thinking about you and how we were under the same dark sky, observing the same bright beautiful stars. because the only comfortable place my mind seemed to know, was you. i was restless anywhere else. always unsettled and angry. i was homesick for you. my body needed yours, and your body needed mine. i wouldn't be happy until i was back at home. and not the home i grew up in, the home that i struggle to be without. you. the only place i am at peace with is when i am with you. i'm a home body for you. i want to come home. i need to come home. so instead i just laid there. i thought about how swiftly i'd run over to you if you walked through the door right now. how i'd reach up and wrap my arms around your neck, pulling you down to softly kiss your face and all the parts of you i've missed. how i'd pull you as close as humanly possible, running my hands through your blonde hair. how i'd let you sleep on me so you felt safe. how i'd gaze at your peacefully fluttering eyelids and wait for the next time i saw those pretty ocean eyes of yours. how i'd trace your skin and admire every little detail upon it. the way i'd listen to your heartbeat and softly hum a melody to you that sounds exactly like it. the way i'd watch your chest rise and fall. god, how i'd hold you so tight.

a cool breeze circulates the room which leads goosebumps to creep up on my skin and i turn over onto my side. i attempt to forget how the warmth from your body would have shielded me from the cold. oh how i longed for you to be next to me. i close my eyes, but sleep does not find me. i watch the raindrops race down the glass, listening to the taps on the rooftop, wondering if you are up admiring the rain too. so i lie awake and imagine us, the only two awake in the world, just thinking about how it would feel to be together in this moment. but even when i'm wide awake, i dream of you and i. nothing consumes my mind like you. i live with the fact you will always reside in my heart, no matter how far apart we are. i understand that our souls will never be disconnected. and i'm so grateful i had some way of knowing you were thinking about me too. i consumed you as much as you consumed me. i wanted you more than anything i'd ever wanted before. except this time, it wasn't just a want. i craved you. i needed you. i remember when i first learned the difference between what a want and need was. a want was always something i could live without, and a need was something i simply could not. but when i started needing you, the difference between the two became very blurry. because i had lived without you once before, but i truly believe i could never live without you again. i feel a tug at my heart and every instinct in my gut tells me you are lying in bed too, alone and thinking about me the same way i am thinking of you.

and i think the sole reason our souls are connected, is because no matter the distance that spread between us, we were always together.

i could feel it.