Coming Home (English Version)

36. Wounds

She sighs. "Okay, then. I'll guess I will go visit my family in India. I haven't been there in two years."

"See? You have better things to do! And I could never take you away from your kids for that long."

She lets out a small giggle. "It will be so exciting if you have a baby."

"We'll see what happens. I don't even know what I was thinking, I haven't even changed diapers before," I confess. "You'll have to teach me everything."

"Oh, I will. I love babies so much!"

"How are you getting along with Mohammed?"

Krisha groans and rolls her eyes. There has been some drama going on since she started working at this house. It has been a struggle to find a role for her but I refuse to let her go.

"Yeah, he's not the easiest but Hamdan trusts him," I shrug. "But you know what? If I'm not pregnant, we will keep trying anyway and with some luck that will happen eventually. How do you feel about doing more of a nanny job instead?"

If I'm pregnant I will need all the help I can get and Krisha is the only staff member I would trust with my baby.

Her face lights up with my proposal. "Yes! I'd love to!"

"Great! Hamdan has so many people working at the house already and if you become our nanny that would put some distance between you and Mohammed. Perhaps he will stop feeling threatened, because that's the whole issue, it's so obvious."

"Men and their egos," she whispers to me.

"I know," I whisper back.

I step on the plane staircase feeling pretty confident about this whole pregnancy thing, maybe I won't be such a terrible mum after all. No, I haven't changed my first diaper yet but at least I have a nanny already that is willing to teach me that and some much more. After the little meltdown I had the day of my wedding about missing my mum, I've come to realise that she is with me through so many people in my life, dad too. I see a lot of mum in Krisha, Reem, my sisters and mama, of course, despite everything we have been through lately. And I see a lot of dad in Maktoum, uncle Saeed and Hamdan. I feel like this past year I healed many old wounds and I see now that I needed to come back to Dubai to do it. I'm now convinced that this is what has allowed me to move on and start a new chapter in my life, and somehow my parents are coming with me along the way.

I sleep through most of the flight until it is time to prepare for landing and the first thing Hamdan does as soon as he gets service is check his emails.

"Doctor Qassim sent the results," he says with eyes glued to the screen.

My arm flies across the mahogany table between us until my palm falls flat over his phone. "Don't!"

He rolls his eyes. "Why?"

I lean over to talk in a lower voice. "Let's wait until we're alone and have some privacy."

Surrounded by uncle Saeed and some of Hamdan's entourage, over the noise of airplane engines, is not how I want to find out whether I'm pregnant or not.

"Fine," he puffs, putting the phone back in his pocket.

He cannot stop shaking his leg all the way to the hotel and remains quiet the whole time we're driven there, because evidently there is only one thing in his mind. We arrive at the hotel's back street, because Hamdan makes his entrance through the kitchen for privacy, most of the rich and powerful people from the Gulf are here for the Summer and he gets recognized easily. An impeccably dressed concierge is waiting for us in the alley and we follow him into the staff elevator, which is still nicer than most elevators. I have to keep the small talk going because Hamdan is still remaining quiet despite the concierge's efforts for polite conversation.