Teen wolf imagines:)

Numb. Stiles.

Why don't you have a boyfriend?

I don't want a boyfriend.

Well surely some boy wants you.

I don't want a boyfriend.

There is some lucky boy out there looking for you.

I don't like myself enough to like anyone else right now.

My mind always did this, talking to its self and over thinking. When would it stop?

I packed my things up for school and drove off.

***

Lydia squealed as she saw me exit my car.

"Lets get to the table with the rest!" She grabbed me and dragged me to the table earning a groan from me.

"Did you guys know I can't wait to get married? Setting down with a man and having kids!" Lydia and Allison jumped up and down.

"I don't want to get married." I sigh.

"What why? Thats depressing.." Lydia pouted.

"Because I see how marriage ruined my parents." I gave a small smile to lighten the mood.

"Okay then.. kids?" Allison joined in.

"I don't want kids."

"WHAT! Cmon.." Malia turned her head away from the boys to us now.

"I see how kids ruined my parents." 

"Not every thing is your fault Y/n." Lydia patted my back.

I nodded lightly and turn back to my book.

I hated everything being about me. The center of attention is overrated. I hate people being sorry for me or feeling bad for me. 

I'm just the smart girl with good grades.

Who values her education

and hates school.

I am the chill girl

who has a fuck it mentality 

and lays awake at night with gut wrenching anxiety.

I am the caring girl 

who wants everyone to love themselves for what they are and has an eating disorder.

I am everything I display myself not to be.

"Y/n? What are you waiting for?" I heard stiles hover over me.

"What do you mea- where is everyone?" I looked around seeing the table empty.

"Classes are starting? Y/n are you okay? You have been avoiding me and Scott for a week if it's because heather kissed me-"

"I'm fine." I grabbed my books and got up and walked away. "I just wanna be okay." I mumble to myself looking back at his hurt face.

"Stop. let me in." I felt his cold hands wrap around my wrists holding me back from storming out on him like I had been for a week now.

"Stiles.."

"Please.." He whispered over my body.

I didn't even realize myself moving but for some reason I found myself in our spot, the woods. It's stupid how I let this boy take control of my body. He makes me weak and I can't help it.

"Tell me. It's us against the world. It's just us." His glossy eyes looking back into mine.

"I'm scared to let you in." I let a breath out I didn't even know I was holding in.

"Why?" He laid his head in my lap listening.

It felt good to know someone wanted to listen and help for once. It felt good that it was him who wanted to help.

"I haven't opened up to you for months, but you manage to read me like a book. Even when I don't know what's going on in my own story, you're always there to read it for me. Am I that weak?" 

"You aren't weak. You are strong and the things you have been through shows it." He smiled up at me giving me a warm feeling in my chest.

"Ive had people mentally destroy me. Ive had people say they love me, just to leave. Ive had people not care about me at my lowest, but no one has ever destroyed me like my own mind has." It felt good to finally let it all out and how I feel.

"Hug?" He sat up and embraced me in his arms.

I wanted to cry and sob and push him away. Why does he do this? I couldn't bring my body to push and run. I needed a hug, I want to be loved instead of being fought over. All my parents ever do is fight off who will get me at the end of this divorce and truth to be honest is I don't want either of them.

"Y/n you know that I do care about you. I just want you to be you again all you do is bottle your feelings off and never joke like you use too. Where is the girl who would show her real smile? The sarcastic joking Y/n." He caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"She's numb."

"Why is that?" He looked lost at my answer.

"All I want to do is express emotion. To cry to feel, but I can't." I dropped my shoulders and gave up.

"Then show your emotions we all have them it's nothing to hide." 

"Because he will leave, every time I show too much emotion they all leave. Every time Stiles." I sob into his shoulder.

"He? Also then they aren't your true friends. You see the pack? We have been here since day one and we have seen your up's and downs and we still stay because we know we all have our moments that we feel like giving up." He tightened his grip on me.

"You, its you Stiles."

"You are scared that if you show me your true self I would leave?" He choked on his breath.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. We all let the mind get the best of us." He smiled.

I gave him a warm smile back.

"If I were to ask you to be mine-"

"I wouldn't hesitate to say yes." I answered.

"Okay and if I found someone else?" He smirked.

"I would be happy for you because that's what a best friend is for." I smiled back.

"You are that 'someone else' its always been you. Thats why I care so much about you, I love you Y/n I do I really do." He sighed.

"I love you too Stiles, I always have and always will."