In The Dark

I should've known

I should have known how things would be.

Why am I always the last to see?

I put so much faith in who I am.

I thought I was the only one who can.

I should’ve known not to trust.

I’ve never been one with much luck.

I trusted myself when I should’ve doubted.

I should’ve known the second faith sprouted.

There was the feeling in the pit of my stomach.

But I brushed it off and said it was nothing.

I shouldn’t have believed I could complete the task.

I shouldn’t have felt the need to ask.

I should’ve known the second it began.

But I put so much faith in myself I thought I’d win.

The second I stepped up to the plate.

It felt like a punch to the face.

The little voice in my head told me I’d fail.

I should’ve listened instead of going off the rails.

I’m not sure when I stopped listening.

Maybe it was when it became crippling.

I should’ve known when I started to brag.

Before I even had it in the bag.

I pretended like I was doubting.

I pretended like the voices inside weren’t shouting.

They were screaming for me to turn around.

Then got louder when I started to drown.

I should’ve known not to trust myself for a second.

I thought the voices wouldn’t win if I didn’t let it.

Now I’m left with a mountain of self doubt

And a mind that loves to shout.

The moment is cursed to be on replay.

At the front of my mind each day.

I should’ve listened to my instincts that were never wrong.

It’s just a different verse of the same song.

I should’ve known better than to believe I could do something so simple.

Now the voices and doubts inside have tripled.

I should’ve known I couldn’t do it.

There’s really nothing more to it.

I should’ve known it from the start.

When I got that stabbing pain in my heart,

I keep telling myself that I should’ve known

But the truth is, I just want to go home.