𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎-𝐒𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 | 𝐤. 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

㋡𝐭𝐞𝐧

he didn't even follow you home.

looking back at it though, Bokuto realized that if he should have said anything, no words that left him that night were the ones to be said.

in fact he felt horrible. a terrible feeling that made him feel sick to his gut

regret. of course. he regretted it....

in fact he hated himself more when he thought of it.

but for the wrong reasons.

what the ace regretted was stopping since if it weren't for sato, they'd be no stopping him. what he hated was the fact that it was the only thing he regretted.

when he even tried to force regret for touching someone other than his girlfriend, his thoughts always wandered to what would happen if he didn't stop.

and so he began to wonder if he was even loyal in the first place.

was it always this easy for me to kiss someone else?

then thinking how he'd feel uneasy when he saw other taken guys talking up girls, he thought:

am I pretentious to believe that I was different from everyone else?

confused because he wanted more and didn't know why, he zoned out the rest of the night.

he hadn't even realised when the cab had left you nor that he was still laying in his backseat until the rain stopped falling andl he was staring up at his ceiling of his car; dazed by what happened yet another time.

he was frustrated, the more he imagined...the more he wanted to know.

"should I call her?" he mumbled to himself aloud, rubbing an eye tiredly as he blindly reached for his phone.

"she probably won't pickup" he said listening to the rings and close to the last ring, his girlfriend picked up.

"kōtarō..." she answered tiredly and he tensed.

"oh hey did I wake you up? sorry I didn't mean to" he said and she laughed softly "it's okay. I was just on my way to bed. and you?"

"Yeh...same. did you eat?" he asked chewing on his lip, talking to her somewhat distracted him from the ruckus in his head.

"Ah yeh thanks for reminding me. I didn't. I was too busy with preparing my presentation" she said stifling a yawn and he stared at the ceiling blankly.

comparing his evening to hers, he pinched his leg even though the sting from it wouldn't be enough.

im a terrible person.

"Kōtarō ? did you need something, did something happen?"

'how would she say my name?'

kou...kun

realizing his thoughts still wouldn't waver despite reminding himself how horrible he was, he pinched harder.

I feel guilty, but why don't I regret it?

"No. I just wanted to...hear you..." he settled on answering and it earned another laugh as she told him it was silly.