BLOOM • awsten knight

94

JULY 2019

Awsten is pacing around his apartment, the second he's through the door.

He drops his keys on the counter and runs his hands through his hair.

A frustrated frown takes over his face, as he mutters incoherently to himself, about how he thinks he should've said more. He could've told Elle that most of High Definition is about him, and the way he looked at this, much like her's was.

Maybe he should've made it clearer that he does still want to move forward, that they both need to stop blaming themselves for the past, so that they can start working out where to go from here.

Awsten loses a whole hour, pacing up and down his living room, before he stops in his tracks, realising that he doesn't have to stay here and overthink everything.

He knows that Elle was right; they're getting better at communicating, and they need to keep at it, rather than reverting to any old habits, like Awsten is doing right now.

Looking towards his keys on the counter, he grabs them and heads out the door again.

Elle hasn't moved from her couch since Awsten left. She's listened to High Definition a couple more times, cried a little more, before deciding she should probably stop, and begins watching The Office.

She feels an odd sense of anticipation; she knows that her and Awsten had agreed to take things slow, which is definitely the best way forward for both of them, but she couldn't help feeling like she wanted something a little more before he left.

Just as another episode starts, Elle is surprised by a knock at the door; immediately recognising that its Awsten, she wonders why he's back so soon - although, she's not exactly complaining.

She opens the door to find his hair messy, as if he's been running his hands through it in frustration, and she makes a face.

"Aws, is everything oka—?"

"I have more things to say," he blurts out. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to fall back into the habit of just overthinking it, so I figured I'd come back and just talk to you," Awsten continues, quickly, as Elle steps aside to let him in, closing the door behind them.

"The song— High Definition. I wanna make sure you know that it isn't supposed to make you look bad," he begins to explain. "That second verse is a commentary on me. I made you a promise, that I wouldn't leave like everyone else and I did exactly that. And I'm sorry," Awsten proceeds, barely pausing to take a breath.

"I was touring so much last year, and I think that took more of a toll on me that I originally thought," he begins to pace again, out of force of habit. "It's not an excuse, but it's just— it is what it is. A part of me still can't understand why you— or anyone, could possibly want to be with someone who is gone half of the time and it scares me that maybe, one day, you'll realise that I'm not worth the wait," Awsten admits, the words falling out of his mouth, before he can think about stopping them, or regretting what he's saying.

"And I just want to make it clear that like— this is what I want," he gestures between the two of them. "I want you," Awsten stops pacing to look at Elle, who's staring with wide eyes, and her mouth gaped. "And not just half of you," he references a lyric from her song, making Elle's heart ache. "I want to be really clear about it. I want us, together. And I know we said we'd take things slow, and we will, but I just—" Awsten pauses, taking a breath finally. "Can I just kiss you?"

"What?" Elle says, slowly, taking a moment to register what he's asked. "Can you just what— wait, sorry. Say that again?"

"Can I kiss you?" Awsten repeats, with a steadier tone.

"Fucking finally," she murmurs. "Yes," Elle lets out a long sigh, swiftly moving closer to him.

Awsten ducks his head to her height, his hand holding the side of her face, as he gently brushes his lips against her's.

The kiss is slow, tender, but still full of passion; it's almost enough to form a lump in Elle's throat.

Her eyebrows dip together, as she wraps her arms around Awsten's neck, pulling him as close as possible.

It's evident they'd both missed this feeling; though, neither of them realised quite how much until this very moment.

Awsten touches her with soft hands, being cautious and careful; he fears that if he lets Elle go, for even a second, she'll somehow disappear.

When they finally pull away, for a breath of air, they stay close with their foreheads resting against one another's.

Elle looks up at Awsten through her eyelashes, a smile playing on her lips.

There's so much running through her mind, that she isn't sure what to focus on.

Mostly, she's thinking about how he asked to kiss her; no one has ever done that before, and it comforted her further that he wouldn't make a move until she said yes.

"I fucking missed you," Awsten breathes out, and Elle almost tears up at the pure emotion in his voice; she can feel how sincere his words are, and she's never felt anything quite this strong.

"I missed you, too," she responds, easily, brushing her nose against his. "You can do that again, if you want," Elle mumbles, craving his kiss again already.

A smile tugs at the corner of Awsten's lips as he leans in again, and Elle pushes onto her tiptoes to kiss him back, with a little more force, this time.

Awsten feels like his chest is burning, but in a soothing way; like a flame has finally reignited, in the cold, and it warms him all over.

He lets one of his hands wander down to Elle's waist, holding her securely, and they begin to slow their pace, after just a little while.

"Elle?" Awsten speaks up, their lips barely separated.

She only hums in response, since it's the only form of an answer she can seem to muster right now, as she catches her breath.

"Will you go on a date with me?"

Elle pauses, wondering if she heard him correctly, as her eyes widen slightly. "A date?"

"A date," Awsten confirms.

"I, uh, we—" She stutters slightly, before taking a short breath. "Yes."

"Yes?" His face lights up.

"Yeah, oh my god," Elle's expression spreads to a grin, and she holds his face, kissing him again.

"Thank god," Awsten mumbles against her lips, with a relieved tone.

"What d'you have in mind?" She questions, brushing his hair away from his forehead, studying his expression intently.

"I was thinking just dinner for our first date, if that's okay..." Awsten suggests, sheepishly, still holding her close. "I know it's kind of basic, but I can't pull out all my best ideas now. I'd set the bar too high."

"Wow, so you're already planning more dates," Elle raises an eyebrow. "We don't even know how the first one is gonna go," she teases.

"Well, I have a feeling," he begins, leaning closer to her again, "that it's gonna go pretty fucking great," Awsten smiles, placing a small peck on her lips.

Elle swiftly pulls him in for more, feathering small, innocent kisses against his mouth, as he hums against her.

"I really fucking like you," Awsten admits, with an quiet giggle, still careful with his choice of words.

She looks back at him with a bright grin, kissing him again, as they both have a moment of realisation, that it's the first time either of them have really said it out loud.

"I really fucking like you, too."

//