BLOOM • awsten knight

10

tw - very brief mention of suicidal thoughts

FEBRUARY 2018

For Elle, being back in her family house feels strange, and not in a good way.

Her two older brothers are moved out, and currently busy with work, while Elle and her parents are walking on eggshells around each other, not quite sure what to say.

When she and Alex has split up, Elle moved back into the family house, since being in her own apartment, full of memories with him, was far too painful.

Her parents never did like Alex, and for so long, Elle didn't believe there was a good enough reason for it; so when the pair broke up, they had little to no sympathy, and expected her to be unfazed.

She vividly remembers the day she decided to leave; she wasn't sure if she wanted to be alive anymore, let alone in a house that made her even more miserable.

It was shortly after Christmas, in the thick of winter, Elle had been going out for drive after drive, and the feeling of wanting to crash into nothingness was so over-whelming that she almost did; it wouldn't have been the first time she tried to do something like that in her lifetime, but she didn't go through with it.

She didn't go through with it because she couldn't, not with Waterparks playing quietly through her speakers; she thinks that maybe that's what saved her, but she never allows herself to think on that for too long.

Instead, she drove back home - though, the word home didn't quite seem to fit anymore.

She didn't know where she was supposed to be, or where she was supposed to go; so she continued her day mindlessly, mostly consisting of doing nothing, and feeling unbearably numb.

Until, her parents tried to persuade her into helping with starting on renovating their garden; they insisted there wasn't much to do, but it was the start of January, cold and wet, which didn't improve Elle's mood whatsoever.

They'd asked her to move a couple of buckets filled with old soil to the front of the house. She was reluctant, because of how often she knew Alex would pass in front of the house, or drive along the road outside; and with her luck, that was exactly what happened that day.

He was walking across the street, laughing loudly with his friends, almost mocking how miserable Elle was feeling, and it hurt more than she could explain, but she tried to burry it.

She dropped the buckets and headed to the back of the house, met with more tasks from her parents, which she clearly didn't have the energy for, all while trying to hold herself together.

Her body felt heavy, which got the better of her eventually, when she tripped over and fell, feeling her ankle twist beneath her.

Elle's parents helped her up, but brushed it off a lot quicker than she did, and were ready for her to carry on.

"Eleanor, can you just put in a little bit of effort?" Her father turned to her, aggressively gesturing with his hands as he always did, and Elle stared back, emotionless. "We're not asking you to do that much."

Her mother soon joined in with the lecture, and Elle let it go on, until she could practically feel her blood boiling; she didn't know if she wanted to collapse and have a breakdown, or scream and storm out - she went for the latter.