Sinner

28| Reflect

Chapter 28: Reflect (Caden's POV)

I took the whole school day to reflect. Reflect on myself, my feelings, my actions, and decide what exactly it is that my heart wants. And it wants her. So much more than I realized earlier. 

When I got out of school, first I drove to Hummingbird Heartbeat. Then I sat there for around two whole hours, contemplating everything. I asked myself why her words hurt and angered me so much, I asked myself what I would rather have her say, what I want, how bad I want it, and all that shit. And then I came to the conclusion that it's her that I want. 

It didn't matter that we've already had sex or that we're not allowed to be with each other. I'm sure we can find a way around that, but I think I also didn't give that too much thought because I was convinced she wouldn't admit that she feels the same way. I thought we would end it right now. But as it turns out, she's changed everything. 

"Wait, what?" I sputtered. 

"What?" She shrugged. 

"You have feelings for me?" I questioned. 

"You have feelings for me," she said accusingly. 

"Yes, I know that. But you have feelings for me too? Since when?" 

"I don't know, a little while," she mumbled. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was under the impression that it wasn't allowed. Oh, wait, it isn't," she scolded. 

"What are you scolding me for? You're doing the same thing as me." 

"I thought we agreed to keep things casual. And this was your idea, Caden," she whined, tilting her head to one side. 

"It wasn't my idea to catch feelings for you. I never imagined that would happen. I thought I hated you but I was attracted to you. I thought it was just lust, I didn't know this would happen." 

"Clearly," she huffed. "But now what?" 

We both stood there in silence, staring at each other for a long time. 

Good thing I was able to foresee this entire conversation and build my argument. "Now I'll ask you a simple question, answer it simply too. Please. Do you want to be with me?" 

"Caden-" 

"Keep it simple," I reminded her. 

"To put it simply," she said mockingly. "We are not allowed to be together." 

"And why do you others get to decide our relationship?" I quirked up a brow at her. 

"We're not talking about others like our friends or people from school. We're talking about our families, Caden." 

"Venus, listen to me. We both have very different relationships with our families. Unlike you, I have no problem going against my family. Which is why I always ask you, will your family accept me if I leave mine?" 

"Where will you go? If you leave your family where will you go, who are you going to stay with?" She shook her head, "It's not practical, Caden. I can't let you leave your entire family for me when this has only been going on for a month. Barely," she huffed. 

"It's not like I'm leaving my family right now, Venus. Whenever they find out or whenever we're willing to tell them." 

"Tell them? You think we can ever prepare ourselves enough to tell them?" she asked incredulously. 

"Yes, we can," I nodded. 

"Caden, listen to yourself. You want to do something that could get us both in so much trouble. I might not even be allowed to stay here. You might be kicked out. It's not possible."