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[EARLY OCTOBER, SUNDAY]
In life things come and go.
Doors open and then they close.
Life to me was something akin to a single magic trick. Now you see me, now you don't. Nothing lasts forever; as we live in this world, floating through space with infinite opportunities and galaxies, we're just sitting around and waiting to die eventually. Painful or innocuous, sleep or awake, sane or insane- we're all going through the same bullshit together. But what makes things interesting, is that others are enjoying their time. Meanwhile, some are dreading it. There are plenty of people who sat in silence, completely and utterly paralyzed as they watched life skid by on a motorized vehicle, and trailing behind it, the tears and gasps of misery and anguish from others who are struggling to keep up.
Today was the first day I had gotten to experience the silence.
Every other day there would be no such thing. Even as I laundered in the harbors of the walls of my childhood home. Memories from pictures to kitchen knives left untouched and blinds that have yet to be opened to spill in the sunlight of the passing seasons.
They were everywhere I looked.
I tilted my head as my dark and dim eyes met my own in the reflection of the mirror stationed in my bathroom. I blinked, my nostrils flaring as I stared.
I listened closely, waiting on the voices inside my head to commence speech of befuddling conversations from the past.
I waited to hear the sober voice of my appa and eomma prattling on about my future as a young teenage boy. I used to hear it every second, of everyday, of every moment I spent in this house alone. The howling inside of my head, continuous lectures and the answers to questions I wished I never asked my parents.
But today was new.
Today was a day of peace.
Somehow- after years of hoping and falling into hopelessness- I couldn't hear the whispers anymore.
The more I glared into my pupils, the panic bestowed in my brain had begun to bubble and boil over the top line of my focus. I tapped my fingers on the marbled bathroom counter restlessly, but the tapping wasn't enough- it couldn't possibly suffice; it didn't fill the space and emptiness. My brain felt hollow. My eyes darted around for something to clog the crack that caused my nerves to haywire. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing the greasy black strands away from my forehead, I sucked in a bit of air as if I were about to blow out a candles' flame.
