I'm On Your Side

1 | The Universe Has, Once Again, Failed Me

My head jolts up when I notice my mom has parked the car. She looks at me as she slides her seat back to open the door and smiles. I wrinkle my eyebrows maybe a little too much because she stops smiling and sighs. "Isha, I know this isn't your ideal Tuesday night, but at least try to put on a smile and greet others with a positive attitude."

I wrinkle my eyebrows. "Mom, you're acting like this is a get-together. I barely know these people!"

"That's the point," my mom replies. I look at her blankly and she shakes her head. "You're going to be staying with this therapy group for ten weeks, Isha, and if you don't make a good impression with them then you'll be stuck―"

"Wait. Ten weeks?! I thought it was only going to be for three weeks or something like that," I look at my mom. "I can always drop out, right?" I take in what I just said and fluster because the word "drop out" isn't necessarily suitable when having a conversation with my mom. "I-I meant that I don't need to do all ten weeks, right?"

My mom sighs. "Yes, but at least try to keep an open mind about this session." I expect her to be done, so that I can finally leave the car because, to be honest, it's been pretty painful sitting and listening to my mom's lecture.

But she doesn't.

Instead, she looks back at me and opens her mouth. "Isha, sweetie, please don't ruin this for yourself." I wrinkle my eyebrows until I realize what she means.

"Mom, I'm not like that," I say, "it was just an accident. I didn't mean it!"

"I know, I know," she assures me, "but I don't want this to be ruined for you, so please just smile a-and―" I slam the door maybe a little too hard because my mom winces, but I can't help it.

Why can't my mom get it?

I didn't mean to call Emma suicidal; it just came out. And it wasn't intentional either. I just saw her wearing black makeup and I didn't have the right word to describe it, so I said the first word that came to my mind: suicidal.

It wasn't loud either, it was low.

It just sucked that her "friend" heard it and told her that I said it. God, I felt like the worst! And it doesn't make it any better that my mom decides to bring that up just as I'm trying to let go of it.

"Can we go?" I ask my mom who's fiddling with her purse.

She looks up at me and nods her head. "Yeah."

It occurs to me then that I can go completely by myself. I mean, I'm sixteen for crying out loud! "You know I can always go by myself, right?" I tell her.

"Yes, but since this is your first day, I think it's best if I come with you."

I look away from her and roll my eyes. So typical of her.

And I know I might seem like the worst daughter ever, but if you'd understand my situation then my behavior would be justified.

I just hope I can get this therapy group over with because I want to go home as soon as possible and write (like I even will).

If I'm being honest, I'm a procrastinator when it comes to writing.

Like, I'll have an idea for a story and I'll start writing, but as soon as I find a break time in between, I take it and I never come back to that story until like a week later and the whole thing happens again.

It's like a food cycle, but a writing cycle.

My friend calls it writer's block, but I feel like that's just an excuse to make me feel like procrastinating when it comes to writing is justifiable (notice how I am using justifiable so much: it's a new word I learned and I actually really like it).