The Luna

Thirty-Two

I don't think I have had a better night's sleep in, well, in a long time; too long to count. Exhaustion hits like a train but there was something more to it this time. Something that allowed me to relax fully, warm and safe.

As scary as that is to admit, that's exactly what I felt; Safe. Aliens could have descended from the skies bringing death and chaos to the world and none of it would have bothered me because of Austin.

I woke to a warmth I've never known. Sunlight peeked through the edges of the curtains, providing just enough light that I can make out Austin's room, but not enough to wake him. His arm is loosely wrapped around me, his breath blowing gently against my ear, sending a small shiver down my spine.

Everything from last night plays in my head and for a moment, I imagine waking him up.

I could turn in his arms, barely a breath separating his chest from mine.

My fingers would trail over his cheeks, moving light as a feather down his neck until I could rest my palm over the beat of his heart. He would start to stir and I would lean in, pressing soft kisses against his jaw.

Austin would tighten his arms around me, pulling me towards him until there was nothing separating his skin from mine.

I can just picture the smile that would cross his lips as he whispered good morning. I would be brazen, maybe even a little coy, and it would drive him crazy in all the best possible ways.

I could see it all so clear in my mind that my body flushes - and yet I can't bring myself to do it.

There is this insecure little voice in my head that is managing to dissuade me. What if fantasy is better than reality? I could do all those things flawlessly but instead of the reaction I hope for, I only get told that I should go back to my room.

Even as I think it, my mind tells me I'm ridiculous. If it was just a one (Or twice in one night) thing, Austin wouldn't just dismiss me that way.

Something last night shifted between us and though I don't know what it was or what it means quite yet, my gut tells me it isn't a bad thing.

I just want to clear my head a little. It's no secret that things look different under the moon than under the sun. So for now, I decide the best thing to do is get out of bed and get a shower.

I move slowly, every squeak of the mattress or creak of the bed has me freezing as if caught red-handed doing something I'm not supposed to be doing.

By the time my toes touch the carpet, it feels as if I had been moving in slow motion for hours.

My eyes start scanning the floor, looking for the dress that evaded me last night. There, laid neatly over the back of a chair in the corner with my shoes sitting on the cushion, is my dress.

Something warm moves through my veins as I realize that Austin must have laid it out neatly so that it wouldn't get wrinkled.

When had he done that? He could have left them wherever they had ended up when he took them off me last night, but instead he went a little extra to look out for me.

It's such a sweet gesture and I have to swallow the emotion that wells up inside of me. I shimmy back into my dress, loop my fingers through the shoes and tiptoe towards the door.

I risk one last look at Austin and feel my stomach flutter at the sight of him sleeping on his stomach, hugging his pillow. The muscles in his back, though relaxed in his sleep, are no less defined and my fingertips tingle remembering the feel of him.

Deep down, I know that I am overreacting and that if I stayed, it wouldn't be bad. But my mind refuses to put everything else aside. Even if I feel one hundred percent on a subject, there will always be this self-conscious, anxious part of me that talks louder than the certainty.