What If | Idina Menzel & Kristen Bell fanfic

November Dreams

Idina's house is like a sleeping elephant and she herself lives in its stomach. The dark air of the room is vibrating, digesting experience and dreams. She indeed went to bed earlier than usual, and then some inexplicable impulse drove her out of bed and speaks to her: wait for something to happen.

Kristen stands on the doorstep, wanting to knock. She thinks the air she breathes bounces back from Idina's front door, exploding into the splashes of questions that she has. Why am I here? Why should she want to see me? How can she still be awake?

Nothing, nothing. Idina's heart repeats the word. Nothing is going to happen. And I will have nothing. I will be left with nothing.

Kristen knocks.

She sees Idina framed in her front door. "H-Hello ... I-I'm sorry. I must have woken you up."

"No, I wasn't really asleep," whispers Idina. "Is that ... Kristen? Are you real?"

"What's that question, dorky?" Kristen laughs shyly and takes Idina's hands, "I am more real than ever!"

The blonde moves close to Idina so that she can see the brightness in Kristen's eyes. She hesitantly wraps her arms around Kristen and feels the blonde shivering against her body. "Oh no, please come in. It's cold outside."

Kristen follows Idina down the corridor into the living room. A little fire is burning in the furnace, sending off a reddish glow that delineates everything with a warm touch. On the far side of the room, the piano lurches in its ponderous black bulk, making the moonlight almost impenetrable. "Make yourself at home," she hears Idina saying and follows her to sit down on the sofa.

Kristen watches Idina's silhouette. The brunette is curled up in the cushions. She stares at the fireplace and suddenly a thought crosses her mind. How the fire is dwindling! But she will wait to see the next spark explode. Kristen. "Kristen?"

"Yes?"

"I didn't expect you to be here."

"Neither did I. I missed you."

"O-Oh ... I ... miss you too." Idina's mind starts to speak another voice, Alone, alone, alone. But I don't deserve you, she wraps herself tighter in a ball and bites her lower lip; no, no, no. She shouldn't think that way!

"Dee? – can I call you Dee now?" Kristen's voice sounds faint.

Idina turns to look at the speaker. Kristen is smiling her old teasing smile and she suddenly feels the need to move next to her. She nods, "Yes, please."

"Well, Idina, I-I think I should tell y- ... First, I'm really sorry for bothering you this late. You can turn me out whenever you want. It's just ridiculous for me to be here ... I mean, I know we are very much different. You have your family. The kiss the other day was just stupid and I didn't even ask your permission. I'm sorry ... You were right, I never cared what you think. I didn't even know if you're already taken by someone and I just kissed you! I'm sorry but I can't help. I can't help loving you."

Kristen doesn't even have the strength to breathe after saying what she needs to say. It started out as planned but ended on a completely different planet. She was cold. She was shivering. Even Idina's sobs cannot wake her.

"Oh, Kristen..." said the brunette gasping for air. All of a sudden, she cries out, "I don't deserve you", which shreds her heart as something final, something indisputable and true. "But don't leave me, please ... I love you so ... I'd wished you to haunt me so I could at least see you, but you never even appeared in my dreams. But I do; I do love you."