Infinity [l.t]

chapter forty five

˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗

september 08, 2014

There hasn't been a single day where Jocelyn doesn't think about her ex-best friend, Octavia. Sometimes the thought of her could go on all day, a very melancholy day that shapes for her. But in others, it could be a temporary one that stings as nightfall horizons.

It's unavoidable, torturous in a way seeing as it's another individual she wonders if they're doing alright. If they too wonder if Jocelyn is doing alright.

Also, it hasn't been long since they've last spoken, her final text message still recites in Jocelyn's head, almost taunting her. The thought about Octavia lives in the depths of her clouded mind, hiding and waiting until the tedious silence overwhelms her to lurk out.

And when it does, the surreal reality plays in vivid images, over and over until she realizes it's not a bleak trance. Even after Jocelyn learns the situation, time passes by that she neglects it. But when a thing reminds her of it, a detail as little as the letter 'O', she has to do the process all over again.

So when Jocelyn saw a text message from the person she assumed would never reach out to her again, she stood firm in disorientation. Her movements later felt automatic, but her head was somewhere else, somewhere between a blurred line of relief and resentment.

It was sent just after her meeting in the cafe with Louis on Saturday, a hopeful day disturbed to be sour with a simple notification. She doesn't know what's worse, the realization of not erasing Octavia's phone number or the fact that she has postponed answering it for about two days.

Every time she believes she's capable to write back, her fingers stay solid and her mind goes blank. Her untold thoughts whirl with blazing emotions that it's too much to untangle in words.

At first, Jocelyn thanked that the dreary stars aligned, the universe being compassionate with her for once. Octavia claims she wants to reconnect, not to rekindle their friendship, but to apologize and mend the lasting cracks that were left behind.

A grudge is a flaw that her ex-best friend constantly holds onto, yet this time she strives to make the issue right, no matter how much time she has to dwell on the mistakes.

However, after Jocelyn took the time to rethink her varied sentiments, she felt sad. Not bitterness, not comfort, not even a moment to finally breathe due to the bad terms they were on, she just felt sad. A feeling so numbing and vague, almost as if she's reliving what happened again.

But now, she doesn't have the proper mind to forget it, to tell herself that it's a hallucination and their friendship is normal like it was. Jocelyn wishes to ignore everything and move on, but she can't. It's the baggage she has to carry for as long as the wounds heal both internally and externally.

Maybe Octavia got it worse, her long-time crush, who was her best friend as well, didn't feel the same way as she did. Anyone would crumble by being rejected. So as Jocelyn views the circumstance from an outside perspective, she allows her fingers to type and to send a response.

The reply from Octavia was instant, too quick to speculate she was waiting with her phone in her hands only for that one message back. When Jocelyn checks the notification, her heart stops, not knowing what to do with the black-haired girl's suggestion.