You're not so bad ~ (merdisson)

Chapter 3: it only takes a spark to light a fire

Merediths POV:

Her lips were soft and sweet. Not a single part of me wanted to stop. I wrapped my hand around her neck and ran my fingers through her thick red hair.

Suddenly she pulled away. I could sense her nervousness and saw her face go slightly cold. "I cant. I don't know what i was thinking" she panicked looking at me sadly.
"What i..."
"Doctor grey" Addison cut me off
"Oh is that what your going to call me now. Im not Meredith anymore" i scowled letting go of her hand.
"Im sorry. I didn't mean to mislead you" she mumbled trying to scrape together her words.
"You kissed me" i huffed quietly making sure no one walking by could hear.
" i know. I don't know why i did that. You were here with your cards and your pretty smile and I misjudged the situation" she said. Clearer this time.
"Yeah i get it, wait you think I'm pretty" i inquired staring at her.
"What, thats not... never mind. This can't happen I'm with Derek" She said smoothing out the collar of her lab coat.
"Im well aware your with Derek. I had to watch him leave me for you after you turned up all perfect and mature and sophisticated. But i moved past it or at least i was trying to but every time i tried you popped up in my head" i confessed "it was infuriating"

I stood up hastily and began to walk out of the room. "See you around Addie" i said before turning away and walking out of the NICU, leaving her with no chance to get a word in.

I paced off in a whirl of confusion. I understood what she meant and maybe i was too harsh on her. She was right we both had no idea what we were doing or what we were feeling. It just hurt that we had shared such an intense yet peaceful moment and she could just turn it off. I couldn't forget that easily.

Addisons POV:
My mind was spinning with thoughts about what had just happened. I knew what i was doing yet i did it anyway. I must have pulled away automaticity as a reflex to the situation. Like i said i was with Derek. I had to trust that there was a chance for us and i was clinging on to a thread of hope that our marriage would work. So far we were failing. Miserably.

I was annoying and invisible to him. He was so infatuated with Meredith that he had no time for me. I knew he still loved her yet i tried desperately to push it aside.
Finally someone had shown an interest in my existence but i'd screwed it up. And of course it had to be her. She had to be the one to see me. To understand me.
"Dam-it Addison" i hissed at myself before letting go of the preemies thumb i was clutching. Hesitantly i rose from the small wooden chair that i was sat on.

I made my way to the cafeteria as it was lunch time. I payed for my salad and muffin before looking around to see who was free to sit with. I felt like a stupid high school teenager with no friends being laughed at by the popular girls.
I saw Meredith sitting with George, Izzie, Cristina and Alex. She turned her head in my direction slightly before scowling and turning back around. My heart sank. I hated seeing her look at me like that.
'Callie' i thought to myself as i spotted my friend sitting in a corner alone.

"Hey" i said walking over to her
"Oh hey. How was your surgery today" she asked grinning at me
"Fine i guess" i replied whilst sitting in a chair beside her.
"Ok so whats up with you and Meredith" she blurted out.
"What?. Nothing why would you think that" i stammered.
"Addison i see the way you look at her"
"Its nothing. I just feel bad for her after Derek left her for me" i said twirling my fork around in my food.
"Yeah ok" she said raising an eyebrow.
"Stop" i laughed.

It was nice to have a friend in the hospital. Id only been here 3 months and i didn't receive the warmest welcome. Everyone was always saying " oh Derek and Meredith" or " have you heard Mcdreamys dating that intern legacy". I understood but it still stung a little when i heard people talking about me when they assumed i couldn't hear them. The only people who had given me a chance besides Derek were Callie and Meredith. Well i guess not so much Meredith anymore.