Caught in Between

-19-

Debby came back into the room with her hair tied up in a high ponytail. She went to my closet and changed into the clothes she took. "I'm borrowing your clothes for today," she informed me after she already put them on. It was funny how she always told me that, even though she's been borrowing my clothes for years now.

"Okay," I responded as I slipped the money my mother gave me into the pocket of my jeans.

Debby followed me as we went downstairs to the kitchen where Jen was already eating at the table. "Girls, grab some food before you guys go to the mall," my mother said to us while she was fixing herself a plate.

There was a stack of plates and utensils next to the stove. I went first while I grabbed a plate and a fork and served myself food. Debby did the same and we all sat down at the table and ate. At first, it was very silent and awkward, but my mother cleared her throat. "I have some news. It's not super important, but I decided that I should maybe start dating again. It's been so long since his death, that I feel as if it's time to finally let that part of my past go and start exploring my options again."

My eyes almost bulged out my head. I almost choked on a piece of chicken. "R-Really?"

"Yeah. My coworker, Susan, her brother's friend is single and I thought I'd give it a try."

"What's his name?" I asked with curiosity. I wasn't in the mood for eating anymore. I could tell Debby was catching my vibes and Jen stayed silent while she continued eating.

"His name is Michael. He works at a law firm."

"He works there or he's a lawyer?"

"A lawyer."

"Any criminal record?"

"He's a lawyer. I'm sure he doesn't."

"Well, you'd be surprised these days."

"Rebecca! I'm trying to share some news that I thought would've been lovely for you to hear, but you are making it impossible for me to enjoy. You're not happy for me that I'm moving on?" My mom set down her fork and stared at me, waiting for a response.

"That's.. I.. Well, of course I'm happy, Mom. It's just..—"

"It's just what? Hm? I'm tired of being a drunken, miserable, and depressed person and I'm trying to get myself on the right path again. You don't think I know you've been visiting your father's grave every year, buying a green dress that is almost identical to the one you wore when you were little before he died? Rebecca, I think it's time you move on too." Her words stung hard as if a million wasps suddenly attacked my body.

Tears flooded my eyes and I aggressively shoved my fork into the chicken. "And I've been trying to do that too! At least with my dress buying, it's less detrimental to my health than being a damn alcoholic!" I screamed at her before I stormed off and out of the house, slamming the door behind me. My tears spilled down my face as I walked on the sidewalk, trying to get far away from my house as possible.

I believed I walked at least a block before I came across a small park. I remembered coming to this park a lot when I was younger. My father and I would ride our bikes together there and have picnics. I crossed the grass to a bench under a tree. I sat down and sighed, wiping my tears off with the back of my hand.

I pulled out my phone and I scrolled through my camera roll. I had taken pictures of the photos my mother kept in an album. I kept scrolling until I stopped on a photo. It was my father and I, we were in the kitchen baking cookies. I was on a step stool with cookie dough balled up in my hands while my father stood next to me placing a ball of cookie dough on a sheet pan. Then, I noticed I was wearing a dark green dress while my father was in khaki shorts and a white polo shirt.

I began to sob violently. My mother was right. Why didn't I notice that I was buying dresses almost the same as the one I was wearing in this photo? I felt like I was losing my mind.

"People process grief differently." I heard a familiar voice and I turned my head around.

There stood Jen, her arms crossed as usual, and she stared at me, but this time, her expression on her face was softened. She came closer, but still kept her distance.

"What are you doing here?"

"Keeping my promise to protect you as your bodyguard. Everywhere you go, I follow. There's still others out there that wish you harm," she explained and I turned back staring out at the playground. "Even after I lost everyone and became a vampire, I still mourned their deaths. I gambled, and I definitely drank more alcohol than an average human should. But, I coped and I eventually moved on. If your mother is ready to move on, then respect her decision. Eventually, it'll be your time too."

I heard her footsteps trail off and I sat there, tears continuing to pour out of my eyes. She was right, and my mother was too. I knew what they were saying was true, but it just felt too difficult for me to move on. Every time I wanted to, it felt as if I was stuck, like the back tire of a vehicle in the mud. I would try to go forward, but the tire would keep spinning, and there was no way for me to get out of it.

Eventually, my body was too tired to cry anymore and I stood up from the park bench. I didn't know how much time passed, but as I made my way across the grass, I saw Jen's car sitting by the side of the street. I walked over to it and when I opened the car door, I noticed Debby asleep in the backseat and Jen sitting there looking at me with her hand on the steering wheel.

"Ready to go to the mall?" She asked and I nodded my head as I got in, clicking the seatbelt into place.

"Can we go to a different mall? I still have the memory of being kidnapped by Zach and his accomplices. I don't feel comfortable going back to the same one," I told her as I adjusted the temperature of the AC.

"That's fine."

***

"I know we just got to the mall, but I am dying of thirst," Debby stated as she walked to the closest vending machine and bought herself a water bottle. "I guess all this sleeping has been making me thirsty." She opened the bottle and took a few sips out of it.

"I saw this bath bomb on the internet, and I want to see if they have it in store," I said and Debby's eyes lit up.

"Me too! And there's so many sales on makeup. There's this cute new eyeshadow palette and I really want it! Let's go!" I got her too excited and I laughed as she grabbed my wrist and began pulling me to the escalators. Jen trailed behind quietly.

We hurried into a makeup store which was really crowded and the line almost went out the doors. I didn't know much about makeup so I followed Debby around everywhere she went. I followed her to an aisle and she groaned in disappointment. She pointed at the shelf that was sold out.

"Damn it, they're sold out of that palette I wanted. What a bummer.. but look, they came out with a new bright red lipstick. This would look so heavenly on Jen." Debby grabbed the last one and we both looked up at Jen who was standing there with her arms crossed.

"I don't need it," Jen responded and Debby shook her head.

"But you do. You have the perfect lips and an amazing complexion. You would stand out with this lipstick," Debby argued, inching the lipstick closer to Jen.

"I don't need to stand out."

Debby huffed with annoyance. "Well, too bad. I'm getting it for you and I'm making you wear it. I don't care if you're stronger than me, I will put it on you myself." She walked right passed Jen and took her place in the long line. I glanced at Jen and then at Debby. I put a hand over my mouth to muffle the sound of my laugh.

"Now you have to wear it," I said to Jen before I went to stand next to Debby. If Jen's going to keep that secret from Debby, least she can do is wear a lipstick Debby picked out for her.