Us (Bellarke Fanfic)

[chapter nineteen - clarke]

"So, how have the first two weeks been?"

It's the weekend, but Raven and I decided to meet up at school to catch up. I've been busy trying to find my place at the apartment, trying to be someone who can support Octavia without angering Bellamy. 

We've got kind of a rhythm, though, which has been nice. On school days, Bellamy is the first one awake. He usually makes some sort of breakfast, then wakes up Octavia who wakes up me. After school he drives home and has some sort of snack for when we come back. I've told him not to, because I feel bad knowing he's been cooking every second at home since the morning, but he doesn't seem to care. Sometimes we order in food for dinner, then Octavia and I hang out in her room for a bit. Sometimes I watch TV with Bellamy, but we never talk to each other about anything other than the weather or a quick 'how was school?'. 

Sometimes he leaves me and Octavia little notes, though. One on the fridge telling us not to eat the pizza because he was gonna make something. This morning, he left one on my face for when I woke up, telling me Raven called. I was a little annoyed he decided to come into my room while I was sleeping, but he had left the house when I woke up, so I guess it was for the best. 

Overall, it's nice living with them. Octavia and I have got pretty close, and I guess Bellamy and I have some sort of weird friendship dynamic going on. 

I just need to bring Raven back into all of it. 

We kind of drifted a little bit, since I didn't want to have her over at the house all the time. Now that things have settled down, I'm hoping we're able to pick up where we left off - I miss my best friend. 

"Pretty good," I reply, smiling at Raven. "I've missed you, though. I'm really sorry I haven't been here for you lately."

"You texted me every night, Clarke," she says, rolling her eyes. "You're good."

Relieved, I let out a long sigh. "So," I say. "Wick, huh? You guys are official?"

Raven smirks softly. "I guess. I mean, it's kind of complicated. I like him a lot, but..."

"But?"

"I don't know. It's too... easy." She frowns at the ground. 

Too easy after everything she went through with Finn. 

"You've got an honest, healthy relationship, Raven," I say seriously. "It's not easy because its bad, it's easy because you care about each other and you don't have to keep secrets."

Raven shakes her head. "That's not what I mean. I mean, I guess you're right. This is my first relationship since Finn, and I'm not really sure what it's supposed to feel like any more. But I don't think it's supposed to be like this."

She continues frowning. 

"I wake up to a paragraph from him, telling me about his plans for the day and stuff like that."

"That's sweet," I say, biting my lip. 

"Yeah," Raven agrees. "But that's it. He doesn't text me for the rest of the day, doesn't expect anything. It's like we're just... friends, with a new label. I just feel like there should be something else."

"Waiting for the other shoe to drop?" I ask, confused.

"No," Raven says, sighing. "It's just... it doesn't feel like enough. I want someone who I can talk to, argue with, I guess. Someone with actual opinions that can hold up against mine."

"Okay, now I'm confused," I say. "You want someone you can fight with?"

"No," Raven says enthusiastically. "I want someone who will push me to be better, not accept who I am and move on."