Letters to Lauren (Camren/Fifth Harmony)

Letter #5 - "Valentine's Day"

        After I had finished star gazing by myself, I drove around a bit before finally returning home at about eleven-thirty. During the ride, all I could think about was my heated argument with Michael. I sat and wondered whether or not I overreacted to the whole situation. Any conversation brought up about Camila really hit me hard. Especially when you were talking down about our past relationship and how it was never going to be a thing again. Michael didn't necessarily do anything too harmful, except for the whole privacy invasion. That was just enough to set me off, because what's mine is mine.

        When I returned back home, I noticed a small note that was taped to the outside of the front door. It was a note from Michael that said:

        Babe, I'm sorry for invading your privacy, but I really worry about you. You've been acting really strange lately, so I figured something. Whoever this Camila person is, she is obviously someone from your past. If you feel as strongly about her as she feels about you, maybe it's time we call it quits, huh? If I am wrong, just know that I truly do love you and we can solve this problem together. In the case that you do love Camila, just know it's okay, and that I'll be happy as long as you are. I love you so much, and that's enough to let you go if I need to. Also, please promise me that if we do divorce due to this issue, let's just make this a non-dramatic event. I don't want to make this experience completely awful for our kids. If Camila is in Florida, you can go to her. We can figure out something for the kids. Home-schooling maybe? Anyways, I'll take a couple nights in a hotel across from my work. That'll give you time to think, and I'll let you know through text when I'm coming home. Love, Michael.

        So that was it. He was giving me the choice that I longed for, and he was giving it to me in a mature manner. Yes, I did love Michael, but not nearly as much as my love for Camila. My love for her burned with the intensity of a thousand suns, and that flame was not going to die out. I had to take this chance as it was given to me, and everything would probably work fine if I decided to walk out. All I needed was to see Camila. That was all. Then I would decide for sure. I would let Michael know this in a few days, when I decided to go to Florida.

        I left this issue alone for now, and decided to read a few of Camila's letters. Since the kids and Michael were away, I was able to read many more in one go. After setting my keys down on the kitchen counter and hanging up my winter coat, I made my way to my room where the Letter Loft was. When I opened up the drawer, I saw the letters laying undisturbed. It made me happy that Michael didn't actually try to find them, because I had the feeling that he'd read these too. I picked up three more letters, and closed the drawer shut, then I went to the living room so I could read them in comfort.

        After grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen, I took a seat on the recliner chair and laid back in it. I placed the water and other two letters on the side table and opened up the first one. Then I placed the envelope on the side table and flicked on the lamp beside me. The date on the envelope was 'February 14th, 2026' which was Valentine's Day. I began reading the letter:

Dear Lauren,

        Happy Valentine's Day! Did your husband get you anything good for Valentine's Day? Did anything special happen for you today? Today was eventful for me. Instead of getting a break for once, like my mother had promised me, I was rather pressured into doing something that I wasn't up for doing. Andy asked me to marry him today. I know what you're thinking, its too soon to make that kind of commitment and that I just met him only months ago. Well, you're right.

        Please Camila. Please tell me that you told him no... I just made up my mind, I thought.

        Unfortunately, my opinions and thoughts had no effect in the matter. My mother, Sinu took complete control over the whole situation, and she was the one who told him to go through with the engagement thing. When Andy asked me in front of my entire family at the Valentine's Day dinner, my mother was the one who accepted the engagement, not me. I don't want to be married to someone that I don't love. 

        I guess I'm not too upset. I'm just angered that the choice wasn't one-hundred percent Andy's. I do really like Andy, and since I probably won't ever see you again, I suppose that its fine. He'll suffice I guess. We don't have a marriage date set yet, but knowing my mother, she'll make it soon so there's no going back to obsessively missing you. That's what she thinks will happen, even though she's wrong. Her intentions are just to make me feel better, but she's going about this all wrong. Forcing me to love a man will not make me forget you. Nothing can, and nothing will. I've tried arguing these things many time to her, but she still insists that getting married and continuing therapy will make me better. 

        Therapy. I almost forgot to mention what happened recently. It makes me sad to say this, Lo, but I actually considered self-harming. I didn't! But I absolutely considered it. I told you therapy was not helpful. It really is making everything worse. I really want you to come find me before this gets even more out of hand. Lauren, I need you. I don't want to get married or any of that shit. I just need my baby girl back in my arms. Please come and find me.

        My baby Camz was actually considering this. Everything was getting worse on her end, and there was nothing I could do now that could help three years ago. I guess I just had to hope that she never hurt herself and that she was okay. I read the last bit of the letter. 

        I hate to cut this letter short, Lauren, but my mother wanted to have a talk with me about the wedding. I'll try to write to you again this week since this letter was so darn short. Next time I'll talk about things more in-depth. I love you, Lauren. And happy Valentine's Day!

                                                                              Lots of love, 

                                                                              Camila

        Camila was hurting like she never did before. If this was really pushing her to her breaking point, well, I just wish I got this letters in the time that she was still going through this. Her mom was really pissing me off too. Sinu was pushing her and pressuring her so hard just so she'd get over me. I didn't get why she'd just leave the poor girl alone? She was a grown woman at this point. Then again, I was wondering if she was doing better with her mom than how she would have been by herself. Her whole situation just made me cry.

        I took a quick sip of water and I laid back in the chair to take a crying break from the letters.