LOOK UP AT THE STARS

CHAPTER 4 - MEMORIES

Camila

I wished he hadn't brought up Tyler, but then again I had brought up Jess. And why did I want to just forget they existed, had ever been part of our lives? Why did I just wish we were back to how we were before those two came along? Because it wasn't that great right at the end there. In fact, it was because of what happened with Shawn that I had been feeling like I was when I went to the party on the boat and met Tyler. I had always had a thing for Shawn, and we'd been doing the Jingle Ball thing together, again, and it was fun, and we were just getting closer again, like with IKWYDLS, and I could feel it, he was going to say something. And on that last night, I was sure he was going to kiss me. But he didn't, in fact, we had a big argument, and after that it was awkward and the next thing I knew he was seeing Jess.  And then along came Tyler. We had both made big mistakes, and not just with our marriages, but I was beginning to think we had both made a mistake in letting whatever it was between us back then just slip away. Because it was back again, stronger than ever. I could feel it, and I knew he could too. I hadn't had this much fun, or been this happy, since Jingle Ball with Shawn before the argument. And that said it all really.

"Look behind you, the moon is enormous tonight," he said suddenly. I knew he was just changing the subject and I was grateful but he was right, it was beautiful.  We'd finished eating and the restaurant was empty. When people didn't drink, like in a dry city like Doha, it seemed the night finished early!

"Hey, you wanna go for a walk in the gardens?" I asked. He smiled and called the waiter over. He signed the bill and held out his hand. I took it with a smile, feeling safe and happy for the first time in so long. He let go of my hand once we were standing and I felt a little bereft, but even holding hands wasn't really encouraged here. The night was still pretty warm but it was beautiful in the gardens and the stars twinkled off the water so it was serene and pretty. A sense of peace flooded me, not in any small way because of Shawn's presence beside me.  We chatted, but there were stretches of companionable silence. There were sunloungers still laid out on the sand and we found a couple and sat down, taking in the lights of the city. Doha was a jewel in the desert, it had a strange appeal and an energy unique to itself and I was glad I had a chance to visit.

"What are we doing tomorrow again? Sand duning?" Shawn asked. I was in charge of arranging the sight-seeing, he was leaving it up to me, which was fun. I hoped he enjoyed what I had arranged.  Asif had organised it, and he would take us out to where we would meet our driver and guide, but he had insisted we have another half day with him before we leave to finish the rest of the tour from today.

"Wear something comfortable, bring a hat, your water bottle, swimsuit and wear sneakers or flip flops," I said. He raised his brows but then he grinned. He was up for an adventure.

"Time to go back in, I think," Shawn said as I yawned.  I let him pull me to my feet and once again felt compelled to hold onto his hand but of course he let mine drop and we walked back side by side but not touching. When we got to my room he looked around and then bent and kissed my cheek.

"So we are going to hang out by the pool in the morning, right?"

"We don't leave on the tour until two, so no need to rush I guess. Message me when you wake up."

He nodded and I turned to my door. The atmosphere was strange, and I looked back over my shoulder, intercepting his dark, heavy-lidded gaze. I took a sudden breath. I knew what that look meant, and when we were young it would have meant a kiss at least, but we were adults, alone with no teams, no parents, and hotel rooms containing king sized beds. I watched as he pulled himself together and I turned back to the door, my heart pounding. We were married, both marriages were over, yes, but we were still married, and we were in a country whose culture was very different when it came to this sort of thing.