LOOK UP AT THE STARS

CHAPTER 9 - MIAMI

Camila

I could hear Shawn in the shower and I just lay there for a while and let my heart slow. The nightmares were back and I was angry. I was angry at Tyler because I'd been dealing with all this crap with my therapist and had a pretty good handle on it and now he had fucked it all up. And I had never wanted Shawn to know what I turned into around that cockroach. A sniveling, cowering mess. He'd seen it first hand now, I was afraid he would never see me the same again. I knew, logically, that none of it was my fault. The guy was a master manipulator and I was just one of a line stretching backward and into the future of women he had twisted, and would continue to, for his own amusement and benefit. I also knew I was pretty lucky, he could have been a lot worse. I often wondered if my mother hadn't come to New York, and the whole scene hadn't happened, how bad would it have gotten? Would I still be with him? It was a frightening thought, that I could still have been under his power, and that I wouldn't have found this special thing with Shawn. I think knowing Mama was just around the corner, that she was waiting for me, was all I had needed to make me brave enough to run.

The taps turned off and a moment later Shawn filled the doorway, wearing only jeans and towel drying his curls.

"You're awake," he said with a frown of concern. "How are you feeling?"

I grimaced, no words were really needed. I had woken up on the couch earlier and we had talked it out a little before we had tumbled into bed. He had been afraid to touch me, afraid that I might recoil, or be scared of him, after what had happened, but I just needed to be as close as possible to him, to be reminded of what real love and caring and joy is about, and I may have gone a bit crazy but he let me, and I could see the red bruises and scratches on his skin. I had wanted to be inside him, I had wanted to be a part of him, I had wanted to lose myself in him, and he had given me all those things and then he had taken over, and he had given me tenderness, sweetness, heartstopping pleasure and so much love that it had wiped away every trace of what had happened, then he had held me as I had cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.

It was early evening now, and our original plans were to go out for dinner to a place that had been recommended to us, but it was raining heavily again and that was as good a reason as any to stay in, but it wasn't the main reason for me. I didn't want to go out today. Tomorrow, when the sun was out and the city didn't seem so ominous, maybe I would feel differently.

"I checked, and that restaurant delivers. Let's eat here, it's awful out there." In more ways than one. He knew what I meant and he nodded as he pulled on a long-sleeved t-shirt with a Canadian university logo. He sat next to me and peered at my phone. We talked about the food options and made our order and then he pulled me in close.

"Want a bath while we wait for dinner?" It was a busy time, the delivery time was longer than usual.

"Oh, that sounds heavenly," I sighed. He smiled, stroking my hair.

"Good, because I ran it for you when I got out of the shower. There were bath things there, I put some in. Come on."

The room was lit with candles and he put a playlist on his phone with soft music and for a moment I thought he was going to leave me but he sat on the end of the bath and kneaded my shoulders, humming to the music. It was heavenly. There was a knock at the door and he left to go and get our food. He seemed to be taking a while to come back and I started to feel my pulse race. What if it wasn't the food? What if Tyler had come back to finish the job? Was that the sound of a scuffle? I almost fell scrambling from the tub, banging my knee hard on the edge of the bath, and sobbing as I wrapped myself quickly in a towel. What if he hurt Shawn? I couldn't bear the thought of it.

"Oh you're out!" Shawn's smiling face appeared in the doorway. "I've set the table for us and put everything out. Do you want me to get your clothes?"