LOOK UP AT THE STARS

CHAPTER 3 - MUSIC

Camila

I had loved music since I was a kid and my career started at fifteen. I felt like I had been given CPR and brought back to life. How had I lived, even only for this past year, without music? And how had I managed without my best friend? Without Shawn?  We sat in his dressing room and ate the food Samira had ordered for us and chatted about lots of things, funny stories from our past, our families and most of all, music. It was the happiest I could remember being in so long.

We were quiet as we finished the food and then I asked the question he had no doubt been dreading.

"So, I told you about me and Tyler, it's your turn now. What's going on with you and Jess?"

He took his time wiping his mouth and took a swig of his water.

"I should have dumped her when she told me not to interact with you anymore," he said, making direct eye contact, causing my heart to race. His eyes then skidded away and he hung his head, sighing deeply.  "I don't know, it was a mess, right from the wedding day. I took every chance to be away, performing, recording, visiting family. When I got home......let's just say I got to see first hand what she had been up to, and now here I am, while the lawyers work things out."

I stirred the straw in my drink.  "We're a pair, aren't we?" I muttered, and he nodded.

It was silent for a while and then my mouth opened and words came out without me giving them any permission, and I listened in horror, trying to pull them back in.

"Do you ever wish we had worked out our shit and actually got together? If we did, we would have avoided this horror show."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. My heart was pounding. What had I just said? Oh my God. The silence felt like pudding, it was so thick. And then he chuckled.

"So many times," he said softly, shaking his head. I snuck a look at him and he was smiling as he looked down. "I know for a fact if something had happened that night...it felt like it was going somewhere and then..."

"I know, I panicked. You were my best friend, and yeah, we'd had a thing when we were younger, and I'd had a crush on and off on you for years, but I was terrified we would ruin what we had, and it was so important to me...". SHUT UP CAMILA!  I was just spilling all my deep dark secrets.

"Yeah, well, I didn't fight for it either," he said sadly.

I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from Samira and was shocked by the time.

"Shit, come on, we need to get back and start getting ready for the show!"

We hurried back and he went to his dressing room and I went to mine. The hair and makeup team Samira had organised followed my instructions to the letter and that along with their talent meant I looked natural and exactly like I wanted to. Unlike the order of our rehearsal, the band was on first, and then me, then Shawn and finally Zaya, who was one of the top selling Arab artists in the world.  I could feel my palms and feet sweating as the first act neared the end of it's set.  And suddenly he was there.

He looked gorgeous in a midnight blue velvet suit and white shirt and his look of appreciation made me glad I chose this dress, yellow with a high neck, long sleeves and a sprinkling of jewels. It showed no skin, there were no thigh high slits, but it was still sexy as hell. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, murmuring in my hair.

"I'm so proud of you, Camilita, you can do this, I totally know it."

It was all I needed. I strutted out onto the stage, my insides raging, but feeling as confident as I could be, with Shawn's support.  I talked a little first, trying not to babble, but it was always easier than having the first thing come out of my mouth be singing, and my voice likely to break from being dry and nervous. My silly joke earned a few laughs and then I started on the first song.  I hadn't touched my guitar or keyboard since I'd been with Tyler, so I was using backing tracks, and all was going well with the first few songs, and some choreography I had remembered from my tour and practiced in the lead up to this performance.  My last song was a ballad and I waited for the piano to begin but nothing happened.  Samira was looking frantic side stage and people were running around. There were no in-ears to communicate with her so I didn't know what was going on.  The crowd full of mostly white robed Arabic men were staring at me and I began to sweat and feel nauseous. I pulled out my only other joke that was suitable and luckily I got another laugh and then Shawn walked out.  Stage hands were running around sorting out the piano the group had used and was still on stage for Shawn's set and I realised what the plan was. My backing track was not working, so he was going to play for me. He smiled at me reassuringly and I could literally feel my pulse slow and the nausea abate.