lover boy (DNF)

depression

Before this chapter starts i want to say a lot of this chapter is based off my personal experiences with self harm and depression. there are trigger warnings before and after but i want to put a trigger warning on this entire chapter 

i love you 

and thank you for the support on this, it means the world. <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The past month had been okay. George had started anxiety meds to help with the panic attacks and the stress of school. Clay made sure not to ever leave his boyfriend alone without an explanation again. They were doing good, a few fights were caused because they took their stress out on one another, but the tension was always released moments later.

Their relationship was going smoothly, but Clay's mental health was declining as Georges was skyrocketing. Clay had felt alone even with his friends around him, everyone's life was looking up where he was spiraling down and fast. (TW: self-harm) Clay began to cut little lines on his thigh. He thought it would relieve pain, and to his surprise, it did. He thought to himself, what's the harm in this they're just little lines, and no one can see them. That was a month ago. Now clays body covered in scars, he wore sweats and hoodies in 80-degree weather (tw over). Clay was growing more depressed day by day, hiding it from his boyfriend, or so he thought George knew something was up when Clay would use the bathroom three times in one hour. (TW: mention of cuts). George woke up one morning before Clay, Clay's sleeve had been pushed up, and he saw the small thin lines, some deeper than others, all over Clay's arms. (tw over)

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead, it's 4 pm," George said, crawling on top of his boyfriend. He saw more than Clay had intended.

" Hi," Clay said, not noticing his sleeve.

"Baby can we talk," George said, gesturing toward Clay's arms.

"I- I- guess," Clay said, embarrassed.

"Baby, just talk to me tell what pushed you to do this"

"I- I don't know, George, I just feel alone. You know I've had depression since I was 10. It's just bad right now, but I thought self-harm would fix it, but it's become an addiction."

"Baby, can you please let me help you i don't want to lose you, you're my soulmate, and I don't want to live without you."

Clay nodded, signaling he would accept help; George ran to grab his laptop where the two would look for a therapist that would best fit Clay's needs. A week later, George drove Clay to his first session. Clay's mood seemed to be better; he was prescribed a low-dose antidepressant. George wanted nothing more for his boyfriend to be okay; all he wanted to do was help but didn't want to be pushy. He hated arguing, especially with Clay, so when it came to comforting him, he kept his distance unless Clay asked for it.

The boys cuddle up in bed, watching a movie. They fell asleep 20 minutes into the film.

The boys got up at 7am. George was surprised that Clay got out of bed with him. He hadn't gone to school in two weeks. He was doing everything from home. George would get his work and bring it home to him to complete. In those two weeks, George had made two new friends, Nick and Karl, they seemed like an item, but George would never ask.

Clay drove them to school, everyone was surprised to see him up, and at school, everyone knew what had happened due to Clay tweeting he was going to be absent for a while from his and his friends' streams. Everyone at school knew about his fame even though he hid his face. The school they went to was relatively small, with only about 150- 200 students in their class. Everyone had a mutual agreement to not say or post about Clay.

The day dragged on; each class felt like a year. Finally, the last bell rang, and the boys walked out to the car. George driving this time, the boys got fast food as always, a slightly healthier option this time, Panera.

George got a grilled cheese and chips, and Clay got a Turkey sandwich with chips. George started driving the opposite way of 'home.'

"Hey, you're going the wrong way," Clay said curiously.

"Yeah, I know, baby."

"Uh, okay, since when do you know Florida so well? You've been here for a month."

"I know where I'm going. Just relax and eat."

About 20 minutes later, they arrived at Clay's house on the coast.

"Why are we here?"

"I think it will help; being in a different environment can help your mental state."

Clay grew with anger but composed himself; George was just trying to help. He didn't know any better.

"yeah," Clay said, faking a smile.

George had no idea the pain and trauma that's been caused for Clay in those walls. Clay showed George this place when he was fine; he thought he had gotten over the pain caused by his parents, divorce, addiction, abuse. Anything you could think of went on in the small cottage on the beach.

Clay grabbed the key, and they entered the house; he didn't want to be here long, so he had to make up an excuse to leave and soon. They stayed for about 15 minutes before Clay said, "Hey, we have a lot of homework and stuff to do; we should get going" George nodded in agreement.

The boys arrived home 40 minutes later. Clay went straight to the bathroom to shower; he hated showers. They sting really bad, so he avoided them only showering once or twice a week. He stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the hot water, and steam gave him chills, but he quickly adjusted to the temperature. Clay thought about his past, good and bad, about his addict of a mother and lack of a father; even though their dad had custody of his sister, they never really saw each other or spoke. Clay began to cry, wondering why and where his life went so downhill; quiet sobs could be heard outside the door.

George knocked, wondering why Clay had been so long

"Hey, you've been in there a while. Are you okay, my love?"

"No, I'm not okay. Can you please come in?" At this point, Clay had gotten out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around his lower half. George carefully opened the door, not knowing what to expect, He knew Clay hated asking for help, so it was always a shock when he rarely would.

George held his boyfriend until he stopped crying, finally asking what upset him.

"the-the house brings back a lot of bad memories."

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry I had no idea-"

George was cut off by a kiss; it felt like so long since their lips had met.

                                                                                                                    1,115 words

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you couldn't read this chapter due to the triggers I can do a short summary of what happens 

remember you are loved 

thank you again for the support