The Raven Hotel | Jikook |

Chapter 59: The Way I See You

"-you... I deserve someone like you. Jimin, Park Jimin, don't be so cruel to me," Jungkook sputtered through his cries as he interlocked his hand onto Jimin's over the bed as he looked at their hands. Touching but of course, Jimin still had on his gloves. Not wishing to harm the boy any further.

"You don't deserve a broken monster like me... you deserve so much better than me!"

"No... no, for the last time, stop talking about yourself like that! I could only imagine those words were given to you by Hyunwon himself, right?" Jungkook asked as Jimin grew silent. Proving that Jungkook was right.

Jimin's love for Hyunwon was beyond anything while Hyunwon didn't return the same for him. This left Jimin to become so desperate and hungry for affection. Even through his long and eternal life, Jimin couldn't let go of many things. When life is too short, you learn to forgive and to forget. But for Jimin, his life is not short. His life keeps going and going so letting things go just so he could live his so called 'life' meant nothing to him. Jimin refused to let go of many things in his life because he lived in fear of never having it again.

"Even if what you've done isn't right, I won't break you for it... I won't leave you for it and hate you for it. I need to talk to you, I need to know that you will understand just so we can keep what we have here... please, don't tell me things like that! I'm not Hyunwon, he would be out the door if he was here but he's not. He's gone and I'm here... Jeon Jungkook, the one who loves you but of course, wonders if you fell in love with him too and not just Hyunwon..."

"You... I fell in love with you Jungkook. It's always been you but my trauma... my pain... it continued to push the idea of Hyunwon over your image in my head to the point where I slipped up at times and called you by his name. You don't know how much I regret that," Jimin whispered.

The moment he looked away from the boy, Jungkook moved in closer until he pressed his forehead down against Jimin's shoulder. Closing his eyes and allowing his tears to fall within the silence they took just to collect their thoughts. Never wanting to shout or shove, only communicate with their feelings and let out everything that harmed them before.

"I don't want to make excuses for myself. I should have learned to let go, but it's so hard... how could I ever move on? I can't! I still cry about my parents. I'm physically strong... but on the inside, I'm so weak... I hold onto my memories of others to avoid being alone!" Jimin cried and covered his face. Finally showing more emotion to his tears compared to his blank stares into the distance at times. "Jungkook, I don't want to be alone again! I don't want to be alone as I wait for you in another lifetime! I want you... oh, god you don't know how good it feels to be loved! I don't think I've ever had what I have with you before! I thought love was with Hyunwon and I but the moment you came in and changed my world, you showed me love... love I've never had before and I can't help but to long an eternity with you!"

Jimin confessed and finally pointed the boy's head towards his as he cupped Jungkook's soft face into his gloved hands. "When I look at you, Jeon Jungkook... I see a perfect human being who fell into the hands of a monster. But instead of running away, you took the time to know me and let me in... to love me and care for me. W-What in this cursed life of mine did I do to deserve you? And why couldn't I have treated you better?"

"Jimin..."

"The more you say my name... the more you say it just guilts me because as you said my name many times before, I only knew to call you 'Hyunwon' in return. I'm so sorry for every little negative thought and pain that I caused you, Jeon Jungkook... Jungkook... Jungkook.... Oh, your name sounds far more better than his, I wish I've known that before and wasn't blind to it all-"

Within that split second, Jungkook kissed Jimin. Instantly silencing the man when he rambled on through his guilt. Jungkook knew Jimin was vulnerable when it came to love, he was vulnerable to it from the start and didn't know what proper love was. From when his parents left him so early in his life, Jimin never understood any affection before so when he went through many relationships throughout his eternal life, he never understood why he was always left at the end. Even with Hyunwon; a cold man who only loved in order to survive, was something Jimin believed was true when in reality, he was just being used. At the very end, Hyunwon left him too in the most gruesome way ever that struck fear into Jimin. Fear from letting go of the most important people in his eternal life.

Jungkook kissed Jimin, feeling their tears press against their own faces for the moment until Jungkook broke the kiss and looked Jimin in the eyes right after.

"Jimin... I won't leave you. Even if you beg for me to go just to avoid hurting me, I wouldn't do it because leaving you will kill me too. I've... I've never loved anyone. You are my first love.... if we have issues, please... please, we need confrontation! How do you expect me to leave you? How could you tell me something like that?" Jungkook whispered to the man and guided his hands up Jimin's chest softly. "I hated every moment you compared me to him... because I believed some part of you wanted him more. But now that we spoke about this, it knocks off so many thoughts that I kept silent. The way that you see me... I thought it was only Hyunwon that you saw and that you were blind to the thought of me."

"Oh, Jungkook... the way I see you... is beyond just a simple gaze. I see you as mine... sure, I was blinded before and constantly being reminded of him when I looked at you, but... deep down, I truly saw you as mine from the moment we grew closer, the moment we kissed, the moments we were made love, and in one of those nights we would just spend our time looking into each other's eyes and getting lost within our own world. You're mine... that's how I see you... a perfect and charming boy that is far beyond comparison. I'm sorry, Jungkook, for everything I've put you through."