Stay For Me

06 | dear diary

After arriving in London almost eight months ago, I decided to keep a diary. It was the only way I was able to jot down my thoughts without actually having to tell them to anyone.

I didn't want to talk at first. I didn't even want to be around anyone. All I wanted to do was be alone. I couldn't understand what had actually happened or why it did.

The whole Ricky thing didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't understand why he would want to hurt me. To kill me.

Whatever happened between my mother and his father over twenty years ago had nothing to do with either of us. Why he would take matters into his own hands to set out for revenge has always confused me.

Somehow, I've managed to memorise the majority of the diary entries though. I guess I've read over them so many times, they've almost imbedded themselves in my mind.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I tell Rio, responding to his earlier question, knowing that he's probably going to work out that I'm not being truthful.

Much to my surprise, he doesn't push me on it. Instead, appearing to just let it go. Perhaps he can sense that I don't want to talk about it.

He turns his attention back to the road and my eyes absentmindedly flick down to his hands. There's something about watching a man drive. I can't quite explain it but there's just something. Whether it's the way their veins protrude in their hands or when their fingers flex as they grip the wheel.

Whatever it actually is.. it really is just a sublime thing to witness.

Watching Rio drive is another thing that I've missed. It's one of the most attractive things, just sitting here and watching him control the car so effortlessly.

I take the opportunity that I'm presented with to admire him. His side profile mostly, which is immaculate as always. 

His tan skin, his jawline, the tiny bump on the bridge of his nose, his dark brows, his raven hair which is noticeably a little longer.

Everything about him that I've missed so much. I just sit and stare at. Is that creepy? Probably. Do I care? Fuck no.

The car pulls up at a small diner and I realise that I recognise it if from the place we went to before, when he started speaking in Italian to the waiter and they didn't realise that I also spoke Italian.

"Why are we here?" I ask.

"I wanted to take you somewhere public in case you felt uncomfortable being alone with me." He replies sincerely and my heart almost breaks at his words.

Uncomfortable? I would never feel uncomfortable with him.

With a small frown, I watch as he opens the car door and gets out. I follow suit, getting out too and walk around the front of the Audi to meet up with him.

"It's been a while since we were here, huh?" He smiles and I crane my neck up at him, nodding slowly.

The last time we were here.. he was an arrogant asshole.

I stormed out of the diner and we argued in the parking lot until he eventually persuaded me to go back inside.

We walk side by side towards the entrance and he opens the door, allowing me inside first before we sit down at a booth.