mending your heart [dreamnotfound]

chapter two

a/n: if your here from tiktok, hi and thank you for all the love! its so amazing. anyways i'm trying to get chapters out every day before monday cause online classes start for me again... anyways enjoy!

tw/cw: intrusive thoughts, body image struggles, self harm (which may be a little graphic... again !read at your own comfort especially this chapter!)

george woke up in the morning to birds chirping outside, and his head slightly throbbing, in the beginning reality hadn't hit him. 

he still thought him and cameron were together.

he still thought that cameron would be downstairs getting ready for work, just like a normal day.

but when george had opened his eyes to see his phone on his bed, and anything of cameron's which had been in george's stream room gone. 

the realisation of reality hit him.

he remembered the night before. 

the slap. 

the words. 

the feeling of his heart dropping to his stomach.

the panic attack while on facetime to clay.

cameron was gone and had cheated on george with some other man, with the name of noah, someone from cameron's work who george had never heard of until he saw cameron's facebook status mere of minutes after george and cameron broke up.

fucking noah. that name sounded like a sin to him now, but then he couldn't blame noah, could he? it wasn't noah's fault, and it wasn't cameron's. 

it was clear it was him who had driven cameron away, and he more so saw what had exactly driven him away as he stood up and walked into the bathroom, he saw massive eye bags, and red cheeks in the mirror. 

sure he had spent hours crying yesterday, but george looked awful, and if he looked anything like this now, he dread to think what he had looked like extremely sleep deprived in front of cameron, he hated his face and his messy hair which was sticking up in all directions.

currently he felt the blame and guilt of their perfect relationship going down the drain, he knew he was the one who drove cameron to cheat on him, it was all obvious. 

george then turned to the full length mirror and lifted his shirt up, seeing a small petite man, it was his reflection.

he looked extremely weak, and what kind of person wants someone who was petite and weak, exactly, no one. 

george deep down knew it wasn't his fault, clay told him that last night, but it was too lost in his dark thoughts of blame and hatred of him self, that it wouldn't occur to him for some time that he was not to blame for the breakup and cheating. it was cameron.

he rolled up the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt, revealing scars from cuts littered on his inner forearms, it was a time which a few days ago george would not have been proud of, but now? he hated him self and more so cameron hated him.

feeling this made him feel proud of his younger self for taking his hatred out on him self, this made george consider, even if it was one cut into his skin, would he instantly feel better like he did them years ago when he first did this. 

after all, he couldn't remember exactly why he did it back then, but it was clear it helped numb any type of pain he was going through, or he'd probably be able to remember it and if it didn't, why would past george have done that many cuts to allow healed scars to litter his body?

there wasn't really an answer to his questions. 

george then clenched his hand attempting to resit the urge to cut, but then he remembered cameron for a short second.