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M

she saw her mother.

she saw her weeping,

in grandma's arms.

she saw how she gritted her teeth, the white knuckles, swollen lips, messy hair, and tears.

all these would be normal to as if they are daily chores.

just those dams of tears flowing from her eyes made the difference.

quietly placing the glass of water behind her mother's back, she slid to the darkest corner of the drawing-room and stood there straight, staring at the mother's shaking body.

"no one's gonna hurt you, let him go. He came, he left. don't let his stupid behavior affect you. your children are here, I'm here my baby. I'm here." her sobs stopped for a moment but came again like thunder.

the girl was unaffected, she was used to this situation a lot of times. 

what affected her was her mother.

she always had that notion that she's a monster, she hurts her own daughter for nothing. her mother needs help.

she felt humiliated, she regretted throwing all these words at her and ignored every clue her mother left for her.

her mother was in depression, a patient of hypertension and psoriasis, and the cause of all this?

the bastard who was her father, the bastard with whom she shared her watermelon, the one who brought her toys to keep her mouth shut, when he left the naive little her in the car and disappeared for god knows how long. 

if mother loved her like the way she loved her father, she would not even dare to look at other mothers and shower her with infinite affection and hugs.

she realized not everyone has the same coping mechanism, some wish to fade away, some hurt themselves, and some hurt others to vanish the heartbreak they feel inside.

"ma, was i not enough?" she wailed, her cries echoed adding more tears to wet her rosy cheeks.

one tear slipped from those almond eyes and the girl whispered, "ma, you are more than enough, I'm so sorry."

unlocking the door of the hall, she climbed the stairs in a slumping way before crawling up to her bed and let out a shriek, which was muffled with a pillow. 

this pain hurt her more than the knife running across her arms and being pulled downstairs by the hair.

...

she stared at her reflection.

again, she pulled the corner of her lips upwards with hands but failed to keep it for a long time. she couldn't smile.

she had a fresh hair cut after her grandma arrived a few weeks earlier. grandma's presence transformed everything around her, instead of normally walking to school, she skipped all the way. normally she wouldn't dare to enter the room of her beloved little sister, but as of now, that room was decorated like a real princess' room. the girl started caring for her looks, after taehyung who hung out with her happily, tied her hair into a ponytail with his school tie. the raven-haired boy brimmed with laughter at the way her whole body heated up and her baby hairs sticking out making him blurt out "cute". 

the entry of taehyung and grandma was like some miracle or the answer to her questions she asked the tinkling heavenly bodies.

she saw her reflection once again and she was horrified.

the glow on her face, the way the corner of her eyes crinkled, her cheekbones lifted up, and how she looked so pretty.

she wanted to see that face again, but couldn't.