Chasing Shadows | ✓

Part Two: Chapter Seventeen

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our fire burned out

and we've been living

in the dark ever since

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THE NIGHT STRETCHED ON FOR LONGER THAN I THOUGHT WAS HUMANELY POSSIBLE.

A second felt like an hour and a minute felt like a year. Time blurred into nothing and I couldn't have even guessed how long we had been sitting there on my bed, backs against the wall and eyes glued to the illuminating screen of my laptop.

Noah was entangled in my blankets, wrapping them around his legs while I was curled up; my body in a foetal position almost, with my knees hugged to my chest. Despite my windows being closed and a mountain of blankets on my bed, there was still a chilliness in the air.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets played on the screen, but my mind was too muddled to focus on what was happening. A million different excuses for leaving the room were on repeat in my head and there was nothing more I wanted than to ask Noah to leave, but I couldn't.

He needed me, didn't he?

I wanted to push aside all the negative thoughts that were only begging to spiral out of control. As I thought about all the times Noah had stayed by my side, been with me when I had wanted to push him away, stuck with me in my lowest of lows, I struggled between doing what I felt was right and succumbing to the guilt.

Never had I felt more eager to be away from someone as I did now, but there was no actual reason that would explain why I felt the way I did. It was my mind, blowing things out of proportion, right? This was my best friend - and he would never do anything to compromise my safety.

But the coldness of the room only seemed to increase, like someone had blasted the AC. Goosebumps were prickling my arms and legs and even when I shuffled to pull them tighter around me, it made no difference.

Noah looked at peace, however. His face was one of relaxation and mirth as he watched the movie play on the screen. In fact, he probably looked a lot more comfortable than I did right now - in my own bedroom. The edges of my nails were frayed and bitten down to the quick, something I used to do as a child, but apparently I hadn't grown out of the habit yet.

Each and every time I opened my mouth to speak, I snapped it right shut. I had never been one to hold back from what I wanted to say. Whatever was on my mind, I spoke it. But now, it felt as if someone was holding an invisible pillow to my mouth, blocking not only my words, but any air that wanted to seep in.

A shaky and trembling breath passed through my lips and I nearly had to force all my facial muscles to move, in order to smile.

"Hey, um Noah?"

Of course, my voice was warbled and shaky sounding - not strong like I had wanted it to come out. Noah's ears perked up and he shifted to face me with an innocent expression.

"Mhm?"

"I just need to use the bathroom," I lied, "I'll be two minutes, okay?"

His eye twitched, an action I had never noticed him doing before tonight. It was as if his face stuttered instead of his words. . . if that was even remotely possible. Either way, he flashed me a grim smile and nodded.

"Sure."

With a throbbing heart, I gulped and began to shimmy my way off the bed. Noah's eyes were glued on mine, nearly burning a hole through the back of my head. I nearly stumbled and face-planted on the floor with how quickly I bolted for the door. It was only when I slammed it shut behind me that I released the breath I didn't know I had been holding.