Chasing Shadows | ✓

Part Two: Chapter Fifteen

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lift your wings

and show them how much hell

an angel can cause

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WHO WAS THE PERSON YOU COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT?

We all had that someone - whenever their name unexpectedly popped up, you stuttered. If it came down to it, you might set yourself on fire for this person, even if all they did was watch you burn. It was a sad reality; a harsh truth that many had to face.

I wasn't in love - or maybe I was. I didn't know, for I was only a teenage girl. A girl who had never been in a single relationship before, nor who had ever experienced a crush. What would I know about love?

But even if I wasn't in love with him, it felt close, because how was it possible for one person to occupy my every thought, day and night? Why did my heart beat so impossibly fast whenever I saw him? He was the one who haunted my lonely thoughts when I was awake at three in the morning; no one else.

Stars filled the sky like snow-flakes in the night. It was the promise of life in the darkness, a sense of warmth springing from the cold. I smiled, feeling the wind blow my hair into a tousled mane. With my arms around my knees and my head leaning gently on the bark of a tree, the starlight kept its familiar pattern. Travis was sprawled on the ground beside me, our shoulders touching. On his head was a beanie, pulled down until it nearly covered his eyes. A light frown was present on his face, and I broke the silence of the night.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" I asked, pulling my sweater more tightly around my shoulders. The wind had faded slightly, and Travis exhaled in a shaky breath.

"I don't know," he groaned and tugged a rough hand through the roots of his hair. His eyes shut for a brief moment, screwing in pain. I remained immobile, giving him a moment to collect his thoughts.

Darkness came as strong protective arms, holding us close until the promised dawn. In this place so open to the skies, resting in the cricket's lullaby, our eyes were as bright as the constellations above, and within its safety I could feel my own soul all the more clearly.

"I just. . . What the hell is the point of life?" he sighed, gazing up at the sky as if that was where the answer lied, "Why am I here now, doing all of this over again? Is this my way of paying for my sins? A cruel joke, maybe? Have I not suffered enough to last me ten more lifetimes?"

He scoffed then after noticing my confused expression, shaking his head and releasing a bitter laugh, "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You won't understand."

I sat there, listening to him, hanging onto every word of his. Even though his words didn't make much sense to me, quickly, I shook my head, negating his statement.

"Don't say that. I like that you trust me enough to tell me this, even if I don't understand," I spoke softly, "But I think there are a lot of reasons why we exist here on earth - some may be more clear than others, but I do believe we all have some kind of a purpose we need to fulfill before leaving."

"Bullshit." he seethed, fire in his eyes, although I knew it wasn't directed towards me.

"What do you believe then?" I probed.

"I think it's just a game. Some win at it, and others don't," Travis shrugged, "It's not fair but there aren't any rules either."

"You're right," I agreed and he raised a surprised brow at me, "Life isn't fair. But we still have to deal with it. You can't just give up and let it win. We only get one shot at this - is that how you want to spend your time? Being mad instead of making the best of it?"