Dear My Friend

1

It's only day 2 of filming for Dynamite's music video and I am exhausted. We got there early and I practiced trying to shoot a basket for over an hour. I don't know how were supposed to film my part when I can't even get the ball into the hoop.

"I haven't played in 9 years, this isn't going well," I state as I watch the ball roll around the hoop and still fall off.

"That's a lie," Jimin says, "You played very well at that one game we filmed back in 2013."

"Yeah exactly. Like 9 years ago."

"Actually it would be more like 7 years ago," Namjoon says, his eyes closed while the stylists touch up his make up.

I roll my eyes, "Whatever."

I feel like I am constantly acting like I'm not experiencing pain while we dance. Rather it be my knee or my shoulder, there is never a moment of peace. A moment of zero pain. There's a consistent ache I have become immune too by now. When ever I lift my arm at a certain height, sometimes it surprises me when I reach for a coffee mug (I know Namjoon and Jungkook purposely put on the top shelf to piss me and Jimin off).

I was 19 when I got into that accident, a while before our debut. I was already working two part time jobs all while being a trainee, there was no way I was gonna risk getting kicked out over a stupid car accident.

But recently the pain has spiked. It's no way at it's worse but I can feel it gradually getting bad again.

I'm rolling my shoulders back, and my arm in circles to try and loosen up my muscles.

"Shoulder again?" Namjoon approaches me, probably just realizing I wasn't with the rest of the members getting ready for our donut shop scene.

"Yeah," I try to brush it off, "It's not that bad though."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor again."

"Waste of time," I say, "After letting it go untreated for so long the only way they'll be able to fix it is if I have a major surgery."

He looks at me worried for a minute, I stop, look at him. Namjoon worries too much for his own good.

"I'm fine Namjoon-ah."

"Next scene starts in 5 minutes. Get into positions!" Taehyung is talking over the speaker again.

He was a director in a past life, I think.

"Where should we go to eat?" Seokjin asks, we're changed out of our filming clothes and back into casual wear.

"Always thinking about food hyung," Jungkook jokes.

"We should order in that way when we get home it'll be there."

"Good idea, Taetae," Jimin says already getting his phone out.

"Namjoon-hyung will you call?"

I laugh, "Give me the phone."

"Thanks Suga hyung!" Jimin, Tae, and Hobi say in unison.

I give the caller my card number and our address, before hanging up and giving Jimin's phone back. We finally make it to the parking lot where our company van is, I climb into the front taking over aux.

"Hyung-ah play Agust D-2," Jungkook says excitedly.

I shake my head, "I hear my own voice enough."

"We don't." (Jimin)

"Whatever we live together."

"We can never get enough of you hyung." (Hobi)

"Can I have the aux?" Jungkook asks.

I hand it over, clearly not thinking.

"My favorite song aside from Daechwita has to be people," Taehyung comments.

"I don't know if anything can beat Daechwita," Seokjin says.

"That's because you're in it," Jungkook jokes earning a smack from Jin.

"Don't put me in such a inconsiderate light."

"My favorite is What Do You Think," I mutter, knowing it'll get awkward for a second before we can move on again.

What Do You Think? got a backlash I wasn't really expecting. A lot of people trended it, saying it was insensitive of me to put Jones speech in the beginning. Saying that it's inconsiderate to use such a hateful speech in the beginning of a song just for a vibe. Except no one asked me if that's what I was doing. No one ever asks anymore. Assumptions are better, are more fun for them.

"I like Dear My Friend," Namjoon cuts the silence.

"Yeah that's the most personal," I say.

"I do like that one a lot too. You talk about your friend in it-" (Jungkook)

"Not really my friend anymore. He made it pretty clear he didn't want to see me again after our last visit."

"Why not?" Taehyung asks.

"Because I wouldn't bail him out."

"That's not your job," Namjoon states, "You're not his parent."

"You don't have to tell me. He just wanted out to do drugs anyways."

We end up listening to Daechwita and People before we get home.

After eating, everyone hit the showers and I poured myself a glass of whiskey and sat on our balcony. My thoughts are taking over as I stare at the endless night sky.

"Hello?" I don't let my phone ring a second time. No sound comes from the other end, I pull my phone away to look at the number. Unknown.

"hello?"

Still nothing, I shrug not wanting to waste my time on a prank call or some saesang.

"Alr-"

"I heard you miss me."

Now this is not the movies, this is not a storybook novel, I don't drop my glass and watch it shatter, I don't cover my mouth in shock, I don't cry either. I just shake my head. Remember thinking to myself how stupid this is. And I hang up.

"Nope," I mumble to myself, "Not today."

A waste of my time.

I lean back, put my phone on silent and focus on my drink.

Maybe I'll get a little drunk tonight.

"Dear my friend, how have you been?
I'm doing great, you know, yeah
Dear my friend, I'll be honest
I still freaking hate you"

-Agust D-