The Raven Hotel | Jikook |

Chapter 56: The Way You See Me

     Jungkook instantly looked over to the wardrobe and recalled the many vintage and classy outfits that would fit his body so perfectly. This all left Jungkook to let out a sharp exhale. Making him anxious about reading more. What else belonged to Hyunwon? The raven name, the hotel, the many clothes, what was next? Jimin's heart?

      "I... It can't be Hyunwon's clothes... it can't be!" Jungkook assured himself, but of course, not even his own mind would believe that. The way Jimin would roll the boy's hair back, dress him up in such vintage clothes and call him his little raven, all began to make sense to Jungkook the more he read on. Now looking back at the pictures of Hyunwon dressed in the same apparels he himself wore.

I find myself referring to Hyunwon as Jungkook for the meantime until he remembers me. At moments, I see a few things Hyunwon wouldn't have normally done through Jungkook.... Jungkook has a different way of thinking compared to my Hyunwon. The way he dresses and keeps his hair falling forward is also different. Not to mention, his drinking problem. Recently he escaped the room to get drunk all because Hoseok influenced him. I wonder what he told him... but by the looks of that camera footage I could tell it's just another plan Hoseok is making up to get me 'killed'. Hysterical, isn't it?

Overall, my Hyunwon still doesn't remember me... and at times when I slip up and call Jungkook by that name, he goes on to tell me he doesn't know who that is. He's playing this game well but the longer he plays it... makes me wonder if Hyunwon is really here...

I plan on giving Hyunwon his mask for the upcoming masquerade ball. Surely this will attract more guests. Lately, most of the guests here are becoming so weak, their blood isn't very good to me... this event is sure to bring more. Through the ball, I also hope to dance with Hyunwon to our song... our lovely song and make him mine.... I've been feeling a connection between us almost like the first time we met at the garden to this hotel. Hyunwon and I were destined to see each other, but this time, I'll be sure to keep him and make him stay.

      The more Jungkook read on, the more he felt his hands shake anxiously. Was all the sweet moments he shared with Jimin all because of Hyunwon? Jungkook didn't see any beautiful words written down and pointed towards him, all he found was the slight differences, but even through that, Hyunwon was still deemed as a perfect man in Jimin's eyes.

Jeon Jungkook... that is his name, right? Far more difficult than the words that spell out Hyunwon. Every day that I'm with Jungkook, I hope to hear words confessing that he remembers me. But as I wait, this human... this human that embodies my Hyunwon so much, speaks of different stories compared to the ones Hyunwon would tell me. He tells me dark details to his addiction and I can't help but to comfort him each time he breaks down. Even when he was drunk, he cried in my arms and apologized so many times for making me lose my trust in him... how peculiar... Normally, Hyunwon wouldn't act out like this and show so much emotion like this... in fact, Hyunwon was never like this at all... even when I try to dress Jungkook in his clothes and roll his hair back, something is always off about him. He can embody Hyunwon in many ways, but there will always be something off about him that wasn't there before. Hyunwon seems different...

When I gave him the mask, it was a perfect fit and when we danced to our song, I could tell he felt something... something that was never there before. Will he remember me entirely? I want to think he would but every time I've asked him if he remembers me, he would grow confused in so many ways especially when my words slip and I call him Hyunwon. I am madly in love with him... he doesn't remember me at all so I know I can't act out too soon. But I know who he is, how could I not? At least, I think so...

     There seemed to be a slight shift to Jimin's entries as Jungkook read on, but the boy couldn't handle reading any more. He finally uncovered more differences between himself and Hyunwon... the only differences there within Jimin's entries were that Hyunwon was absolutely perfect. Jungkook should have seen this coming, but he didn't. He should have known that Jimin absolutely worshipped Hyunwon even beyond the grave. The simple thought of it left his heart aching, leaving him to realize that Jimin would never speak about him like this. The only time he mentioned Jungkook within these entries so far were only when he called his Jungkook by another's name.

      Jungkook couldn't bring himself to read more entries even when there could be more hidden secrets if he read along. But he couldn't take it anymore. He finally got his answer and that was to see the differences Hyunwon and he himself had. But they weren't true at all. All that he gained from this was that Hyunwon was very emotionless and perfect in every way compared to the human. Leaving Jungkook to question himself on what he did wrong to make Jimin still think of his past lover that no longer walked this earth. With so much shame Jungkook felt within himself, he felt like a fool for thinking Jimin would ever love him... when in reality, it was Hyunwon that he wanted based on the looks of the first few entries that praised Hyunwon's existence.

     "Jimin is mine... But not completely..." Jungkook whispered and didn't even bother to catch up to the current entries when the ones he filled his mind with all started and ended with Jimin's love for Hyunwon. "No matter what I do... he will always belong to Hyunwon..." Jungkook continued to think until he dried his own endless tears and got up to slam the book within the shelf.

      Complete jealousy filled Jungkook's head and left him confused. All this time, he believed he was the only one in Jimin's life; in Jimin's world... but after reading just the first entries to Jimin's journal, he realized that he was just a placeholder for Jimin's true love. To Jungkook, it destroyed him knowing that he was only chosen because he looked like someone Jimin truly wanted. If his world was different and his face didn't look the way that it did, would he become just another guest in this grim hotel with no escape? Could he have been suffering and teaming up with Hoseok and Seokjin to plan a perfect escape now?

       Jungkook grew helpless and longed to step out of this hotel room. Surely after everything, Jimin wouldn't grow against it, right? Jungkook didn't care about breaking Jimin's rules since they only applied to his 'Hyunwon' not Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook swung open the wardrobe door and pulled out his old bag that carried his own clothes within them. Just as he retrieved his own clothes, the same picture of Hyunwon and Jimin fell out of the wardrobe, causing Jungkook to glare at it with frustrated tears racing down his eyes.

    "Is this.... the way you s-see me, Jimin? Some boy who looks like your beloved who died many years ago? Why can't you just... fucking move on?! I'm here for you! Or am I just not enough to fill your mind like he did?!" Jungkook hissed as he held the photograph and finally began to crumble it within his own hands. "Everything you told me that was mine... was Hyunwon's from the start... so that means you were never mine to begin with..." Jungkook hissed to himself before suddenly ripping the photograph down the middle where Hyunwon's contagious smile was ripped in between. "I... I need a drink."