Chapter 19: Sun

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It’s cold. 

Such a strange feeling. As if little spikes of ice were being drilled through my skin and into my soul. 

It hurts. The cold. The dark. The loneliness. The numbness. 

I feel empty. 

Why?  

“Tanjiro.” A small voice called out. It was soft. Tired. “Tanjiro, are you alright?” It asked. 

No. No I’m not alright. 

I haven’t been in a long time. 

Not since that day. 

That day. 

Oh, that’s right. 

The day I killed them. 

My own family. Dead. All because of me. 

Because I was weak. 

Incompetant. 

A failure. 

No matter how much I train, or how many promises I make, I’m still the same. 

Why am I still alive? 

Why couldn’t I die with them? 

“Tanjiro. Are you there?” That voice from earlier spoke so softly. So familiar, that voice is. “Pay attention now, I don’t have all the time in the world.” It chuckled. They abruptly began to cough. 

Concern filled my heart. “Are you alright?” I questioned.  

The coughs began to steadily subside. “Yes, yes. I’m fine Tanjiro.” The voice had strangely risen in volume. It was a man’s voice. 

“Here. Come here.”

The darkness began to turn lighter. It moved, flickering like the branches of a tree with the wind or the passion of a burning fire. 

“Come here.” 

I reached my hands out. An orangey-yellow hue chased the darkness away. 

Tanjiro.”

I opened my eyes. 

It was no longer dark. White snow floated from the nightly heavens above, congregating into a white blanket sheltering the pale Earth. Hesitantly, I stuck my tongue out and captured a small flake. It melted not a moment later, its sharp coldness dissolving into warmth.

Tanjiro.” The voice murmured. “Look here.” 

I hummed in acknowledgement to that voice, preoccupied by the dancing forms of the flames imprisoned on the torches. It was pretty, the flames reaching their light out like miniature suns rising on the horizon. 

“Sun.” 

The word slowly pulled me from my trance. Could this person read minds?

I peeked at the location of the voice. I was only further confused to see an orange and black checkered haori.  I looked a little higher, and found hanafuda earrings. I gently touched my ears. Mine were gone. 

“Son.” 

Understanding dawned on me. I quietly gasped.

“ Oto-san…” I whispered. I focused on my hands in my lap, willing myself to still. My hands were red, nipped by the cold. My mind was running with so many questions. 

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