Obliterated

Chapter 29

He nodded. "You still have to take another bet, you see, you have to decide if giving up worldly things is worth it or not."

Lexi thought about that for a moment. "I just feel like I have already lost so much in this world, what else do I really have to lose?"

He nodded slowly. "So you want to believe in God."

"I think so," Lexi replied slowly. "It's just hard to follow all these religions and their changes."

"I understand, the modern version of religion is the reason religion has been killed off all together, it's what makes so many people stop believing in God."

"That's what happened to me," Lexi admitted. "My mom raised me to be Christian, but I never felt connected to it."

Mark nodded, it took him a while to reply. He stared out the window at some of the people and then finally looked back at Lexi. "You mentioned that you have been looking at other religions," he said.

"Yeah, but it has only confused me more," Lexi admitted.

"I don't doubt that," he said sincerely. "I think that if you really want to believe in God, you have to separate what religion is now and go back to the basics of monotheistic religions."

"How do I do that?" Lexi asked. "I already visited a temple and grew up going to church."

Mark pulled out a scrap of paper and began to write. "The Qur'an then," he said. "I would recommend these english versions with commentary. You should check out the Old Testament too."

"I thought you didn't believe in God?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't, but if I did, I would believe what true religion teaches, not the modern misconstrued one, but the teachings straight from the source. All religions for that matter, stripped down to their source, are worth reading."

Lexi thought about that as she took the paper from him. "So what do I do?" she asked. "I mean let's say that in a few weeks I believe in God, how do I pick a place of worship? How do I practice?"

He smiled faintly. "You're asking an atheist that?"

Lexi looked down, embarrassed now. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"No it's okay," he said. "My advice? You don't have to follow these modern forms of religion. If you find beliefs you like and agree with, hold onto them, be a good person, show God you follow what He asked of you. That's all believers can really do within a religion anyway. You have to remember there is a difference between the religion itself and the followed of a religion. If the community aspect isn't working, find a connection on your own."

Lexi contemplated Mark's words as he ordered himself another cup of coffee.

"Why don't you believe in God?" she asked curiously. "I mean you write about how religion is dead in the modern day and you say that God was created as a coping mechanism before science was discovered, but you just told me you think fondly of original scriptures."

He took a moment to think before he finally replied. "I did believe in a god when I was younger. I believed in a god that was fair and just, that was in control of right and wrong. I had blind faith in a being that was supposed to keep me and the people I loved safe, but then when I was fourteen, my brother died. I suppose it's a tad dramatic now, but I refused to pray to a god that let that happen. There are too many bad things in this world for a god to still be out there caring for us."

Lexi took a deep breath before she spoke. "My parents died," she said quietly. "My mom was religious, my dad wasn't, both were taken too soon. To me, it means that it doesn't makes a difference if you're religious or not, God doesn't pick and choose who will suffer and who doesn't. He made the world, gave us the layout, and then gave us free will."

"You think that bad things happen because other people let them happen," he said understanding now. "You don't blame God?"

Lexi shook her head. "I don't think so, God didn't make a drunk person crash their car into my parents. A man made a choice to have too much to drink and then drive. God didn't give me a hard life, circumstances made things challenging but I still survived them thanks to Him."

"Interesting," he said, studying her. "Most people tend to credit themselves for surviving bad things."

"I can't credit myself for that, I know that I am too weak to survive on my own. That's why I know there has to be a god. I was breaking, I kept shattering into smaller and smaller pieces, but He always took care of me, always making sure my pieces could be found and mended back together."

Mark didn't speak for a while, he just contemplated Lexi's words. Eventually, he looked back over at her. "I wish I had your faith, Lexi. Truly, it's inspiring."

"You don't think I am an idiot for believing?" she asked.

"I think you are extremely wise, and that you have a very bright future ahead of you. I so some work for a university nearby, if you're interested I'd love to work with you more."