Obliterated

Chapter 31

Lexi

March 1st, 2017 | 3:00 pm

The religious books were intriguing to Lexi, obviously reading the English versions weren't equivalent to the original Arabic and Hebrew but she was trying her best to understand. Things fell into place better. She was slowly taking verses from all of them. Each verse held a part of the God she believed in. The God who was compassionate like a friend but stern like a parent. The one who rewarded good and punished bad. Things were starting to make sense.

God didn't make bad things happen, no, instead God set the world in motion. He couldn't control everything that people chose to do because he gave us free will. He gave humans the choice to be good or bad, and when they chose wrong, bad things happened. God was not to be blamed though. In her search for the truth Lexi realized something: Macy was right, not about Austin, but about the good and the bad balancing out.

What would have happened to her if Lexi had walked home that day without meeting Austin? She would have been all alone when she found out her parents died, surely she would have drowned in her sorrow. What would she have done if Macy had not been so rigorous in her rehab? Lexi probably would have gotten the high the first moment she could. What would have happened when her father died if Liam had not befriended her? Surely she would have been sent to a foster home far away from the only town she had ever known. Lexi realized that in her greatest suffering, God had not abandoned her, He had carried her through it. He had helped her survive.

Lexi wasn't sure how to believe in God though, that was her biggest issue. She knew she for sure believed in God, but how was she to find what religion suited her? That was still up in the air. Lexi occasionally also thought about shying away from organized religion altogether. All the monotheistic religions believed in the same God and had the same moral values. Why not just follow those without the formality of a church or anything. Most organized religions had grown corrupt anyway, still just because they weren't following the true teachings anymore, didn't mean Lexi had to give up religion altogether. Religion and God were not dead, Lexi knew that now.

She figured it was all about intention, if your intentions were pure and you did good, God would love you and help you. Lexi decided that was enough. Being a good person morally and spiritually was really all God asked of you. So, Lexi started praying, she started volunteering at the rec center, she tried to remain optimistic. Things would get better, they had to get better. She was putting her trust in God, things would work out.

Lexi was currently in school, she was anxiously counting down the minutes until she could go to the rec center and work her shift there. It was strange to feel excited about going to the rec center considering she had once hated her shifts as a dishwasher there and that she was still avoiding Macy. However, volunteering at the teen section was so rewarding. Lexi got to teach kids who were struggling with their course work, offer advice to those making decisions about their futures, and even the little things. Lexi made meals the kids could take home, she cleaned up afterwards, helped with paperwork, it made Lexi feel good, like she actually mattered. What she did made a difference.

When the final bell rang, Lexi practically ran to Liam's car. She impatiently tapped her foot as she waited for him. Finally she spotted him walking hand-in-hand with Rachel. She couldn't help but smile, they were so cute together. Both had matured so much these past couple of months, their relationship became so easy, so loving. Lexi couldn't help but feel a tad jealous. They approached the car and Lexi waited impatiently once again as he kissed Rachel goodbye. Rachel waved at Lexi as she walked by her and Lexi waved back with a small smile.

"I am so thrilled you lovebirds are all happy and in love, but Liam you have got to get me to the rec center asap," Lexi said forcing him into the car.

"Okay, okay, Lexi," he said laughing while shaking his head.

Lexi knew she was probably acting a little crazy, but she was so excited. Maybe that was weird, but she was so thrilled at the idea that she could actually make a difference, she wanted to help as much as possible.

"You know if you got your license, you could drive yourself," he said.

Lexi crossed her arms and slumped into her seat. Her expression changed. She knew he didn't understand why she would never learn to drive.

"I hate driving," she mumbled.

Liam glanced over at her and it must have clicked in his head. "Oh I'm sorry, Lexi, I didn't realize," he said quietly.

"It's fine," Lexi said in an equally quiet voice. "After the accident, my dad hated cars, he used to take the bus, I only ever get in a car now if someone else is driving, I can't get behind the wheel without panicking."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay," she said back.

Lexi wanted to change the subject, she was trying to move on from all this.

"So, how are you and Rachel?" she asked.

That put a big smile on Liam's face. "Amazing," he said.

Ugh he was so in love it was obvious from his tone alone. It made Lexi's heart ache. She was trying so hard to do better, to move on from her past, but it was so hard.

Liam dropped her off at the rec center and Lexi walked into the teen section. She spent hours helping kids with math problems and complicated reading passages, she helped someone apply to a job, and offered advice to some younger girls with boy troubles. It was so nice to know that Lexi made these people's lives better, that her simple actions meant something.

As Lexi was getting ready to leave, she heard the door open. She looked up and Macy stood there awkwardly. Lexi immediately tried to walk past her but Macy caught her arm.

"Lexi, we need to talk," she said.

"Why?" Lexi asked bitterly. "So you can go behind my back and mess with another one of my relationships?"

Macy sighed. "I'm sorry that you feel betrayed, Lexi but I was doing what I believed was right."

"I don't care," Lexi said sharply. "You made me think no one cared about me all summer."

"And?" she asked. "Look at you now, you're better because of what I did."

Lexi didn't answer, her angry expression faltered.

"Look, Lexi I am so sorry that you feel hurt by my actions, but I am so proud of who you have become. You didn't need some knight in shining armor to get your life together anymore, you did it all on your own."

Lexi took a deep breath, she backed up against the wall and slid down it. She needed a moment to process what Macy had said. Macy came and sat beside her.

"Before you got adopted, you had no parental figures in your life, I tried my hardest to be there for you, I understand if you don't want to see me anymore for therapy but please don't hesitate to call if you ever need something okay?"

Lexi blinked back tears. She hadn't realized how much Macy had done for her. Macy stood up to leave, but Lexi stopped her.

"Macy?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," Lexi whispered as she pulled her into a hug.

Macy seemed surprised but hugged her back. "I'll always be here for you, Lexi."